What is left to try?!

[Pinkmilkandcartoons]

I just wonder what there is left to try other than some more therapy.
I feel like I’ve had enough of life, there is nothing else left that I can see ahead of me anymore.
I have been trying to do things that make me feel good and take care of myself but it all just feels pointless.
I find myself daydreaming about just ending it all and the different ways I could do it. When, where, how etc, but I wouldn’t.
I've tried medications but don’t like them and don’t really find them helpful, I’ve done therapy, I’ve done and am doing things to try and feel better but nothing really works long term and I don’t know what is left?
I guess I’m in a better place mentally to an extent than I’ve been at points in the past but is this as good as it gets?
Putting on a happy face for others and wishing that I could just disappear into a pit to never be seen again?
I don’t really know what the point is to this post, I’ve just had enough. I do surface level things to pass the days, I try to work at things feeling more ok and I try really hard for others but deep down I just wish I had the guts to get it all over and done with, but I don’t.
So i just continue to drift through the days and can’t imagine decades ahead of me like this.
Is there anything left to try that I just don’t know about? Or will I still be asking this question to myself next year and until the day I die?

When and why did you start to feel like this?

What's the end point you want to achieve with treatment/therapy?

A long time ago. Back as far as I can remember but I am good at hiding it around others.
Stems from childhood.
Not feeling like there’s no point to life, to me. Stopping the going over and over things without being able to control it.
Stopping all of the poor coping mechanisms long term, not just while attending.
Learn how to feel ok long term and be a productive and meaningful human in this world.
Unjumble my entire mind and make sense of so much.

OK. Most unhelpful self views do begin in childhood; not necessarily from abusive or neglectful parenting but from generational ignorance or from parents just not knowing how to build their child's self esteem without creating a monster. Have a look at this video on Core Beliefs;

s

As an atheist I would agree that there's actually very little point to life or to individual lives BUT that shouldn't stop us being productive and meaningful (and happy) while we're here.

Have a read of Kain Ramsey's Responsibility Rebellion (quite long) and Tim Box's Clear Your Head (short but very informative*) to better help you understand the way you think.

*I trained with Tim but won't receive any commission for recommending his book!

If you want to look at another therapy option have a look at my AMA.

It definitely stemmed from abuse and neglect which I still find hard to accept.
I think that’s a huge part of it. I wish I could un-do it all and make it all not have happened but I can’t. I wish I could erase my whole memory and not just parts but I can’t. I wish that I could have had a different life but I didn’t.
A part of me is still so stuck there although I’m not there. On the outside I have an entirely different life but on the inside I’m still that person although that person was a different person to who I am today and feels like it wasn’t even me. It couldn’t have been. I don’t know if I’m making sense.
I’m even more angry that I can’t just get over it!
I’m just a huge ball of confusion and sadness masquerading as an actual person.
I suppose I just need more therapy which will come in time.
It just gets so tiring trying so hard every day, (well, most days), and still ultimately being stuck where I don’t want to be stuck in my mind which is stopping me from truly being who I want to be now.
Thank you for the links, I will take a look and see what I can take from them.

A part of me is still so stuck there although I’m not there

That part of your subconscious mind is stuck trying to work out what happened for two reasons; firstly to prevent it ever happening again - and therefore to protect you - and secondly to figure out if there was anything you could have done differently to prevent it. It needs to know that you are no longer that helpless child and that whatever happened to you was nothing to do with what you did or didn't do or who you were.

It IS possible to reset your thought patterns and to break the emotional ties to the trauma. You will still be aware of your past (no one can erase memories) but you can think dispassionately about it.