PMDD - any experiences of it in this way?

[Chancesareimgonnafail]

I’m 40, so possibly peri menopausal although cycles are still regular - every 25-28 days. They’ve always been like this.
The last 7 months or so I’ve really struggled from day one of my period. I don’t get the lead up, it’s when my period starts so the progesterone drops.
It’s like it from days 1-5 or sometimes longer.
It’s like a switch. I cannot be rational in those times, I feel like everything is dark and bleak and hopeless and my brain is constantly telling me what a loser I am and how I’m hopeless and pathetic and everyone would be better off if I died. I feel these things to a degree most of the time but not as loudly or as relentlessly. It’s much more bearable when it’s not this point in the month. These thoughts are insistent and intrusive and I cannot ignore them. It is scary because I just want them to stop and they will not.
It’s very frustrating for me and everyone around me who is having to put up with it and getting caught in the crossfire. Im not angry with them but I am irrational and not my usual self. It is impossible to distract myself from these thoughts and they are relentless. My sleep is also disrupted and I wake in the early hours, feeling incredibly angry, and cannot go back to sleep.
It is day 6 today and it is just starting to lift slightly - I don’t feel as close to the edge as I did earlier in the week.
I am concerned about the damage I am doing in those few days, to myself and my life generally because I cannot be rational and I am so incredibly angry, but mainly at myself. It makes me destructive.

Then when if lifts I’m like ffs. Why did you have to be like that?
Has anyone else experienced this? All the PMDD stuff says it starts before your period but mine is definitely triggered by my period starting.

Have you thought about hrt it really helped my pmdd x

I get a bit of this. But for me it's more the physical stuff - like the 'period flu' thing i get once my period has started - it lifts on about day 6-7 of my cycle. It is f-ing awful. You have my total sympathy. my MH also very affected by my menstrual cycle. i don't know if I have PMDD but i fit all the criteria pretty much. It feels like I am a different person entirely and then spend the rest of the month having to recreate myself.

PMDD is when the body overreacts / is very sensitive to hormone changes and imbalances (or at least thats my understanding). In which case, when everything 'drops off' on day 1 of period, then would make sense that women who have v.sensitive reactions to changes would have impacts at this point.

@Chancesareimgonnafail yes you've just described exactly how it is for me.

Everything I've read today (whilst in my spiral of doom) talks about most people getting relief when their period starts. It's now 6 days since mine started and only in past hour am I starting to feel sane again.

It's like it just suddenly lifts and I'm me again. And I can't believe the person I was and the things I've been doing/saying/feeling the past few days. I hate it.

So, know this is an old thread, but guess wanted to let you know you're not alone.

How are you now?

Also do you get this every month? I've found this recent episode more extreme than others.

And I always get the flu thing too @desikated ☹️

Do you guys get night sweats at all?

I do (get night sweats). I also find that some cycles are worse than others, like maybe i have one or two cycles or more normality and then one or two when it's really bad. Not sure how that can be but I have read it elsewhere about cycles within cycles if that makes sense.

Well timed that you commented. I'm on a build up to a period and my emotions have gone absolutely off the wall. A few days ago I was bouncing around feeling ok. Today have been basically crying non-stop since I woke up. Solidarity @blgld how are you feeling?

@desikated thanks so much for replying, our experiences sound really really similar. Does help to not feel totally mad and alone.

I'm sorry to hear you are suffering again. I've just literally had the cloud lift this evening after a week or so of being an absolute psycho, definitely one of my worst episodes yet. Hope it's a mild one for you and things return to normality soon 🙏

If you don't mind me asking, do you have children? I sometimes worry how this might potentially impact me through all of that in the future. I seem to be really rocked by hormones.