Mental health decline, responsibilities for others

[Lemoncake199111]

TW: miscarriage, alcohol abuse

Hi,
I am significantly struggling with my mental health following a miscarriage which is potentially a molar pregnancy on 11/10
this also coincided with my alcoholic mum being admitted to hospital where she still is, she’s had what they think is the DTs. She is constantly calling and texting me and trying to get me to collect her from the hospital. She has said she will go back to drinking once she gets out.
part of the issue is that she has not been a safe or consistent parent ever for me and she shows signed of narcissist traits.
i do feel guilty that she is in hospital 75 miles away and I have only been once
this all cumulated in growing levels of anxiety and low mood. I am not sleeping, I’m having constant anxiety and panic attacks, to the point even leaving the house is difficult. I am having episodes of ‘freeze’ and mild dissociation. My anxiety levels were high since I found out I was pregnant at 4 weeks (it was a very wanted pregnancy)
for context I usually work full time in a leadership position in a school, we are currently on half term. I have ADHD and a history of anxiety and low mood. My last depressive episode ‘ended’ in April when I finished a course of CBT.
I found the CBT helpful and use the techniques now. I work in SEN / Therapeutic schooling so have some awareness of my own difficulties and triggers. I don’t think I am in the right mindset for CBT currently.
I have an appointment with my GP tomorrow afternoon and I was wondering if anyone had any advice or insight. I don’t mind medication but it needs to be safe for once we are cleared to TTC again.

I don’t have any advice really, just a handhold and to let you know your post has been read. I’m so sorry that you are having such an awful time of things. I don’t know what medications are safe when you are TTC, but I know there are some. The GP will know and hopefully put you on the right path.I think given the state of your mental health and your miscarriage, you need to concentrate on you. If your mum has never been there for you and has created the situation she is in herself, you don’t need to have her dragging you down on top. It’s ok to say no to her/the hospital and ignore the calls. It’s ok to focus on yourself and making yourself better 💐.

Thank you for your message it is appreciated ❤️ I’m torn with my mom because I know she has her own issues, and alcoholism is a disease. I’m also next of kin and her support network is small as she’s pushed a lot of people away. When she is ‘good’ she can be lovely but she’s basically ruined her brain drinking
its very draining and confusing and I’ve had to disclose my own medical situation to many people who I wouldn’t usually (her friends, her doctors) to justify why I am not there

You are both in a difficult situation at the moment. There is that saying that you need to put your own oxygen mask on first, and I think that’s true in your case.
You say you’ve had to disclose your own medical information to people. Does that mean your mother does have people visiting her in hospital who are noticing you are missing? Because if that’s the case, she does have support. The same way as she can’t be there for you right now because of her issues, you don’t sound in a position to be there for her either. If you give more of yourself when you are already depleted you could end up spiralling.

Thank you. When I say had to disclose it’s more to professionals who are saying she’s told them I’m visiting and to call me or threatening to ‘leave’ unless they call me.
she’s got one/two friends who are helping, as much as they can with work commitments