Hey all,
Hoping for some advice as I know a few people in this forum have been through similar... I found out I was pregnant back in early June which was a bit sudden, but not completely unexpected as my husband and I had been talking about it and weren't using contraception. I have in the past struggled with OCD and anxiety around guilt/truth telling and fear of cheating and not remembering or blanking out the memory, but have been successfully controlling it for around 10 years.
A week or so after finding out I was pregnant, a thought popped into my head 'what if baby isn't my husbands'. The only time my mind could attach this intrusive thought to was a work dinner where everyone had a lot of wine and my two female work friends and I travelled back to our hotel, chatted to some random people outside and then went up to bed (I shared a room with one of them). Despite them reassuring me that of course nothing happened and I was with them the whole time (I love my husband very much and cheating is not only ridiculous to me, but also out of the question because of my long standing OCD around guilt and truth telling), I'm convinced that something happened and I've just blocked out the memory, basically that I disappeared from my friends and slept with someone and both them and I don't remember it, or that I randomly slept with someone in the restaurant toilet and can't remember it. Despite the dates being about 3 weeks out (26 weeks pregnant and the work dinner was 22/23 weeks ago), I still cannot seem to rationalise this train of thought as an intrusive thought, and an convinced that my dates are wrong. And even though I remember most details of the evening with only a few hazy parts towards bed, I have gone down such a spiral of anxiety and obsessive thoughts that it's beginning to affect my health and causing me so much distress :(
I asked for a referral to the perinatal mental health unit a few weeks ago which was declined due to apparently not being severe enough, because apparently the team focus now on post natal depression and psychosis. Today the doctor told me they were unlikely to put me on medication to help due to lack of research around harming the baby. With these two options gone, italk therapy or paying private is all that's left and even the doctor said that italk might not give me actionable outcomes.
I'm really struggling to comprehend how I can manage another 14 weeks of feeling like this, let alone bring my daughter into the world, and what will help me; I've even contemplated a prenatal paternity test cost hundreds of pounds but backtrack when my OCD kicks in and I think of the implications of the baby not being my husband's and feeling like I've ruined our lives and everyone will hate me.
I'm really hoping anyone can give any advice that might have helped them, or just some reassurance there is light at the end of the tunnel.