Hi All,
I desperately need some advice.
I started a new job last year, 2 weeks before I was due to start I went into unexpected and sudden labour at 20 weeks, didn't know I was pregnant and subsequently also had surgery to remove the placenta. It was traumatic and we were devastated with a funeral to plan. I returned to my new job 4 weeks later and whilst as supportive as they were, there was no real training plan or onboarding and I just got in with it as best I could.
It's a very small company, but very chaotic and toxic management. Remote working with the odd day in the office (which I commute for)
Anyway, we have very unhappy clients and I was employed to 'Create' a department and 2 teams. However due to the company not developing what was required, there has been no movement on this and I do everything I can without teams to deliver it. It's demanding and soul destroying. Priorities and decisions change as quickly as I change my underwear and all my clients are unhappy and have not had items they need delivered.
We won a major client last year, although it's been a long slog (from their side) but now everything is ramping up and needed NOW, NOW, NOW. Even though most is not developed yet.
I found out in August I was pregnant again (unexpectedly) and told my boss, as with last time I had no idea how far on I may be. All fine. I then was struck with extreme anxiety and the GP signed me off for 2 weeks, at the end of this time I sadly miscarried and took a further week of sick leave. It has been a very painful few weeks mentally, physically and emotionally.
I started to feel like I could face the world again last week, when my boss called for a check in and returned this morning.
I've had no return to work meeting (which I've always been part of as a previous manager) and nothing from my boss. Although now as writing this received an email invite to catch up at 11 tomorrow.
I'm just catching up on emails and everything that has happened and then thwack a message ......
In two days time we need you to deliver this session to this major client in x.y,z city. You need to create an implementation plan, create documentation, an agenda and lead this session.
A) I don't feel ready to do this so soon after a hellish couple of weeks
B) I've lost all my confidence and this isn't something I've ever done in this company before.
C) I've been signed off sick for a whole month and a lot has changed that I need to catch up on
D) There are items that I know NOTHING about due to the point above
E) I've not really been involved in this project
What would you do? Overall, I know I need to get out of this toxic chaotic workplace and look for a new role, but this situation in particular.
I really cannot afford more time off, but this is the worse I've ever felt in my working life.