Home alone anxiety

[WorriedMum13]

I'm home alone this week with our 2 kids. DH is working away 4 nights and I'm a wreck and can't sleep for fear someone is breaking in.

This is an ongoing issue, he doesn't work away often, maybe 3 times a year for a few days at a time. We've installed an alarm downstairs and have a ring camera at our front door but I still don't feel safe.

I sleep for 1-2 hours at a time and wake convincing myself I hear footsteps and check the ring camera.

I'm not sure where this fear is coming from. Do I need to speak with someone? I'm so exhausted from broken sleep and still have 2 nights until DH is home again.

I was like this when I lived alone. I got a dog and the anxiety stopped. I think it was just the fact that everyone’s safety relied on me hearing an intruder - once I got the dog I trusted her to listen and bark if she heard anything, and then I could relax.

You’re not sleeping won’t be helping. Try and calm yourself before bed.
Try and look at it rationally, it is very very very unlikely that something bad will happen.
You and the children are safe.
You’re already halfway there.

Well, you're not unusual. Too much true crime has made many people paranoid! Also, you're not used to being home alone. Your brain is probably in overdrive because your routine has been disrupted and you're having to be solely responsible for everything.

I think if you can remind yourself of these things, then at least you'll understand why you're feeling hyper-vigilant. It may help you feel calmer to know there's a rational explanation for your feelings.

You do have the alarm downstairs. So remember that. Another thing to do in future is to get plenty of exercise because that may help take edge off your nerves and help you sleep. Take the kids to the park and run around with a ball, go to the roller-skating rink with them, put them in a pram (if they're very young) and go for a long walk, or get on YouTube and do some Joe Wicks workouts! Clean the house top to bottom. Whatever you can do to wear yourself out.

Good luck.

Exactly this - it's keeping myself alert and ready to spring into action if someone got in.

We have a cat but she adds to the problem, I can usually hear her jumping and walking around in the night.

Thank you, that's really helpful advice.

They are both still little so I don't tend to sit down much anyway but I will try and keep active with them during the day.

I am widowed and thought I would be like this but when it came to it I just thought "The worst that can happen has already happened so to hell with it!" I do not get scared at night at all.

Putting it into perspective might help a bit. I am sorry that you have this problem.

Thank you. During the day I'm very rational and know how ridiculous I've been but as soon as it's night again I'm back on high alert.

One thing that reassured me, when DH is working nights (and he’s a police officer) is him telling me that burglaries are just vanishingly rare now, especially at night. It’s just not worth it anymore.

@WorriedMum13, I'd consider getting some weights that you can use at home. Nothing fancy, just a couple that you can do workouts with to calm your nerves once the kids are in bed or while they're occupied.

Even if you're on your feet, you won't be getting a workout that really elevates your heart rate and builds new muscle (the things that'll wear you out). Maybe try some yoga (classes available on YouTube) to take the tension out of your body. I have a stressful job and exercise has done so much to take that edge off, so I highly recommend it.

That said, doing anything at all will help you. Just feeling like you have a plan when your husband goes away will probably help you feel more in control. Even if it's something ordinary like cleaning the cupboards.

The only way to cure it is to be left alone overnight more. I

I'm not sure if this is across the UK but this was reassuring to read, thank you.

I lived alone for 13 years and left my front and back door unlocked loads of times, I never got burgled. Not sure what my point is 🤷‍♀️

It’s true. Burgling is basically going out of fashion as not high enough sale value on what you can nick relative to the risk and no one has cash lying around. It’s all internet scams now. Burgling peaked in the 90s and has been falling ever since.

Yes, there are much easier ways to make
money nowadays than trying to break into a double glazed, alarmed house that might have people inside in the middle of the night. When I hear something I make my rational brain take over - the cat, the kids, the neighbours, the pipes.

I used to be awful alone at night but I’ve got used to it over time.

This isn’t true. My DH routinely stays away 1-3 nights a week and I’ve never gotten used to it.

OP - I am reading this blurry eyed after a poor nights sleep because my DH is away. I too have the same irrational paranoia. I don’t get to sleep until much later and wake often, like you, convinced I’ve heard something. We have CCTV alround our property so I check that on my phone.

We live quite remotely, no neighbours and I think this probably makes us safer but also makes me feel more vulnerable.

I borrowed my parents dog last night and that’s definitely helped - I feel like he’s my ears so I don’t need to listen out so much.

But I don’t want my own dog right now!

I was like this but we had locks fitted to our internal doors downstairs. As soon as I knew a potential burglar couldn't move around the house without me hearing a door being broken down I was fine and much more relaxed

Come on to read or start a thread like this as I am in this boat. Rationalised it all during the day, now it's dark and I'm stressed/on high alert. Have things gotten better for you? Any advice? I'm Fully expecting I won't be sleeping tonight!

We installed a ring camera with security light in the back garden and home alarm, so I now feel a lot better when DH is away. He recently worked away for 2 weeks and I didn't have any trouble sleeping.

Did you manage to sleep last night?

Thank you for messaging - I did sleep but woke up about 5/6 times and so did my youngest! It's not ideal, I hate it, but I'm trying to be brave. Last night the ring camera wouldn't connect 😩 and I saw a flash, then spotlights on but no record of what it was! Then later my car alarm went off a few times which I unlocked and locked from a window (not braving outside)!. We're remote with no neighbours but I keep telling myself I'm an adult and it'll be fine...tbh kids are scared too so i have to be cool with it for us all!
Glad you're doing well now. There's hope for me too!

When my dad joined the police force on his first night shift my mum was terrified and thought she'd heard noises .
She decided that she had to investigate and check everything or otherwise she'd drive herself crazy for the rest of my dad's working life.
She said that first night was hard and she had to be big and brave, the second night was less hard and by the time the next rotation of night shift came round again , the same thing happened, first night was scary, second night less scary. But as each rotation came round it got less and less scary and within a couple of months, it didn't bother her at all.
My husband goes away a lot at weekends and the first couple of times I was a bit nervous but now I actually enjoy the peace and solitude ( not to mention sole charge if the remote) .

I remember the horrible broken sleep, waking multiple times and probably never allowing myself to get into a deep sleep. It's exhausting. How many nights do you have left?

The comment about the remote made me laugh because yess that is my current highlight!!!
Last night was better - no strange noises. Woke up 4 times but again no noises and went back to sleep ok, kids slept through too.
I'm still hating it but more bearable. I've got 5 nights to go!!

I hear you. My husband works nights mom- Thursday and has done for 11 years! I'm definitely better.... but I still don't sleep anywhere near as good as I did before we moved in together 9 years ago.

We had a ring doorbell and all the cameras too and I've forever checking them during the night. And I get up and check the back door every now and again and pretend i need a drink haha

I think it's pretty common with kids or alone I think it's just a instinct really when alone

Yeah I think you're right, just got to accept it, know it is natural and deal with it how you can. I think I'm doing ok, still checking the doors 3/4 times a night and ring camera loads, but sleeping ok, if someone ever knocked or I heard an unexplained noise I'd lose my mind though but so far so good. My kids wake up all the time at night and they've slept through last few nights - they're clearly loving it!!! Haha

Home break ins are quite rare these days as electronics have become cheaper and harder to sell on for a worthwhile amount. Burglars are more likely to break in to steal luxury car keys (not a problem for us with our 12 year old cars on the driveway!)
DH often stays away, and I feel safe as we have a composite front and back door and double glazing.
Yes OP, I think you need to seek help for your fear. It is wildly disproportionate to the level of risk.