My friend invited me to join her team sport club, and I made it really clear I was keen but haven’t played this sport for 20 years and I’m really out of shape. At first everyone was lovely and welcoming and it didn’t matter, they helped me re-learn and gave me tips and encouragement. They let me play in a position where I felt most confident.
the last couple of weeks things have changed. A member who has been out injured for a year returned and assumed she would return to her position, where I had been playing. I was pushed into a role I don’t know and really struggled to keep up. I made tonnes of mistakes and got penalised. I felt like the rest of the team lost confidence in me and started ignoring me when I was in space ready to play.
The returned member started telling me how to play, but NOT in an encouraging way: I felt like I was being chided. Even my friend made a comment about where I needed to improve.
I left the last couple of games feeling utterly shit and cried in the car going home. I’m not good enough, I can’t keep up, and I’m letting the team down while making a fool of myself.
it’s been on my mind and upsetting me for two weeks and made my depression rear up. I feel like maybe they’ve used me as they had a free spot and now they don’t want me as I’m not as good as them.
I think the best thing is to leave the the team and find one more for beginners to rebuild
my confidence and get fitter. But how to do that without looking even more of an idiot?
I don’t want to embarrass my friend who introduced me, nor make it awkward for us to continue as friends in other contexts. I don’t want to tell the team via WhatsApp why I’m leaving as they’ll all feel obliged to say nice things. Maybe I should just feign an injury? Or tell them I can’t get there at that time anymore
due to transport/childcare or some other white lie?
what should I do? I’m overthinking this silly thing but it’s making me feel so crap about myself.