I just can’t keep going like this - anxiety, insomnia, chronic pain, perimenopause feel like I’m dying

[sweetkitty]

It’s 6am and I don’t know how many hours I’ve actually slept, I’ve just got up for a bit now. This is the third night I’ve beeb awake until 2am, then awake again at 3, 4, 5 then up. I’ve not had a full nights sleep in I don’t know how long.

I have fibromyalgia and am in the middle of a flare. So I’m in constant pain, head feels like it’s in a vice, neck, shoulders, ribs are agony ribs knees I could go on. I thought my medication was causing blurred vision or I was needing glasses but it turns out my eyesight is fine just that the muscles in my eyes are weak and can’t work together. I have TMJD so wake up with a sore jaw from biting down so hard on it from stress.

On top of all of this I’m dealing with the perimenopausal craziness, heavy unpredictable periods, I’ve been all checked out and there’s nothing sinister going on, I’m on HRT but it doesn’t seem to be working.

My job has been awful and I’ve been treated terribly recently, I’ve been off sick for a few weeks as I couldn’t face it anymore. My anxiety and depression is through the roof. I have C-PTSD from childhood trauma as well.

one of my DC is suffering really badly from anxiety too and is housebound.

Right now I feel a failure as a person, career wise, mum and wife. I just cannot see a way out or an end to this. I’m on the highest dose of antidepressants, I don’t even know what kind of therapy I even need, don’t know where to start, I would even go private I’m so desperate.

Thanks for getting this far with my takes of woe MN has been so helpful to me over the years I’ve been here for about 20

What HRT are you on ? What supplements are you taking ?

Morning.
I could have written that post a couple of months ago.
What dose HRT are you on? I’m up to 100 now.
I am also coming up to six weeks on sertraline for anxiety which has been amazing. I am now functioning again.
I was taking OTC phenergan to help me sleep which was with every penny. Last few nights I’ve slept through with nothing so I think things are finally settling.
Ive been off work for a month, I just needed to get myself right. I hate it, but you can’t pour from an empty pot!
I would start with an HRT review, maybe an AD switch if the current one isn’t working any more. Things can be done.
Call your surgery today.

It sounds really hard

I read in your post:
Fibro
Eyesight
Jaw
Sleep
C-PTSD
Perimenopause
DC's anxiety
Work issues

You are not a failure, I would be writing a similar post if I had those things to deal with.

WRT the counseling - in my area there is a clinic where you outline your situation and they assign you to a suitable therapist - is there anything similar in your area? This would outsource a decision to someone with expertise. The only caveat is if you don't click with the assigned person you would need to ask to switch.

If it was me, I would try to tackle the basics first - sleep, diet, relaxation. Have you ever tried Non Sleep Deep Rest? Or meditation.

Sometimes all a person can do is take good care of themselves in the moment. You're not a failure.

I wonder if you have the energy to jot down the issues are under separate headings? Then gradually you can make a bit of a next steps plan for each. But slowly, you can't fix these things today so you may as well just try to make today a nurturing one.

What is your diet like?

I’m on Evorel Conti and I’m waiting on an appointment to get a Mirena coil fitted once I’ve had that the GP said we can tweak my HRT dose
I’m on vitD, VitB12, folate, iron, vitC, magnesium, lions mane and a few more v clues up on supplements for fibromyalgia

@Wishingwell57 my diet is horrendous just now, I have no appetite and am eating just to not feeling hungry, I have no interest in food and will just grab something quick like toast

In this situation I suggest accepting where you are.

There is nothing wrong with basic wholefoods like proper wholemeal bread (nothing you can buy in supermarkets really) eggs, cheese, fruit, salad. If you're not in the mood to eat, just make sure what you do eat is worthwhile.

Amitriptaline has transformed the life -and sleep - of a friend of mine with fibro.

Poor you.
You need to be addressing the trauma rather than taking lots of supplements/meds (sorry sounds harsh I know). No amount of vitamins can heal a broken nervous system.
For ptsd I’d suggest EMDR therapy.
I wish you healing ❤️‍🩹

Ok. Try this.
Breakfast, boiled egg with wholemeal bread. Or grill a Manks kipper.
Lunch. Half an apple cut up small, pieces of mozzarella, 2 tomatoes cut up small, and a few olives.
Dinner - make it easy. Buy a jar of Lloyd Grosman tomato and basil sauce. Cook some new potatoes and some peas or green beans. Put them in a dish, cover with the sauce and lay thin slices of raw cod on top. Put it in the oven for 10 - 15 minutes until the cod is done.
Snack - an orange.

If you can manage to improve your diet you should start seeing some improvement. Good luck.

@MidnightOnceMore thanks I used to have a healthy vegan diet I’ve let that slip to vegetarian junk food. I’m at the stage where having a shower is an effort so cooking is not high on my list of priorities just now. Coupled with zero appetite I just grab the first thing to hand to stave off hunger (which is usually junk). I know it’s no good and know I need to heal my body.

I'm experiencing a lot of what you have spoken about here op - minus the chronic pain. I have been diagnosed with C-PTSD and have the perimenopause on top plus insomnia and ramped up anxiety.

I am on a waiting list to receive some EMDR therapy and possibly a second therapy. The perimenopause has been horrendous. I am trying out HRT - moved from gel to patches but honestly neither seem to be solving stuff - I will be speaking to my GP soon to discuss what to do as it has at least taken the edge off the anxiety. I also take beta-blockers and setraline (looking to increase the dose). On top of this, I am occasionally using amitriptyline for sleep issues but can really relate to the early waking, it is a headache. It's rubbish when I think about it - all this medication (I'm not anti medication but it just seems like I'm taking more and more). I don't work and if I did, I think I would really struggle. But on the flip side of this, I experience a degree of isolation as many of my friends are working (I'm looking into volunteering to get out and about). I have dc and just trying my best (I had dc later, so I have relatively young dc).

I feel a shell of my former self (though was always limited by the C-PTSD). Try not to be too hard on yourself as I have heard about other women (in real life) who have had to give up their jobs due to the struggle with the perimenopause.

My appetite is rubbish currently too. I can only attribute it to the setraline. I'm sorry you are going through all this but I wanted you to know that you are not alone.

@barometerscale you sound similar to me. I’m currently on HRT (recently increased again!) and now six weeks on sertraline for crippling anxiety. I have a job and have been signed off. Also 3 DC.
I miss the old ‘me’.
What dose sertraline are you on?

@barometerscale thankyou and sorry you are suffering too, I know what you mean about the medication thing I feel like I just kept getting put on more and more with more and more side effects.

I woke up this morning and had to get changed immediately (TMI I know) wasn’t due my period although I don’t have a regular cycle so who knows when I’m due. I think the sleep issue has caught up with me as I have been utterly exhausted and slept all day. Cramps were bad too. I have transexemic acid to taken to lessen the bleeding which it does do but it usually takes 2-3 days to kick in so to speak.

im supposed to be returning to work the week after next and I don’t know how I will cope, I’ve already had to drop to part-time because of my illness

Treehuggermum I'm on 50 mg daily currently, how about you?

My cycles are all out of sync. and then my periods tend to be heavy. Horrible and for a few days I don't feel like venturing far. It also makes me anaemic if I don't take iron tablets (yes, yet more tablets).

@barometerscale I’m the exact same periods all over the place sometimes 3 week cycle sometime 5, regular breakthrough bleeding too. I’m on Evorel Conti, 2 weeks just Oestrogen 50mg then 2 weeks with progesterone. I’m supposed to be getting the Mirena coil which delivers the progesterone directly to the womb lining then I can increase the oestrogen. I get a lot of pelvic pain hence getting a lot of investigations in the Summer scans and what not. Gynaecologist said oh it’s probably just fibromyalgia pain as you are completely normal then told me I still had active follicles and what contraception was I using 😱 I’m 48!