Feel like a total failure

[HolyGuacamole28]

I’m married with 2 small girls (19 mths and nearly 4) I work in the city in a stressful job 5 days a week (office for 2, wfh rest) I’m the main breadwinner so can’t go part time. I love my family, hate my job (it’s a new job, been there 2 months) and I’m burnt out and full of anxiety. We live in the SE so mortgage and nursery and bills are sky high. I’m not coping with life and want to end it all. I don’t enjoy life and have no interests. I just work and do chores/childcare. What’s the point? Am I alone?

i always think it takes 3 months to settle properly, so things may still get easier.

is there anything else you could change op? Also, what has helped you in the past, what works for you in times of stress?

Does your husband/partner know how you feel? Can they step up their share of the chores and childcare?

Thanks for replying. It’s my manager who is the problem at work. Just not a nice person. I’ve done counselling before, didn’t really help. My husband is a good man, he tries to help. I used to be great at things but I’ve lost confidence.

I don't have any life changing advice but didn't want to read and run. You're not alone. And you are 100% not a failure...it's bloody hard work. And there are days when you literally just survive to bedtime, and that's totally ok.

The best advice I got is to outsource everything. Get a cleaner/housekeeper. Get someone to help with the gardening. Get meal delivery like Hello Fresh. Do your weekly shop online and get it delivered. Give your laundry/ironing to laundrette. The list goes on.

I appreciate this is niche advice and only possible for those in a higher salary bracket. The trade off for working full time is you (in theory) have less time but more money. Your free time is so precious. So use that money to "buy" yourself time by all/some of the above.

Many more would argue that you are working so you can pay everyone else to do things for you because you don't have time and they think you're nuts. But it's a very personal decision whether to be a working mum. I know I am a much better person when I get to go out to work and be challenged.

It must feel very suffocating being the primary breadwinner though as the usual options to go part time/take a career break etc aren't possible. But maybe consider some of the above ....even just short term to allow you to settle properly into your new job. As one of the pp said....definitely give it at least 3 months.

And most of all, be kind to yourself. What you are doing is extremely hard - mentally and physically.

Thank you for listening. Means a lot.

I could have written your post. Your definitely not alone. I have just past my three month probation at work. I'm middle management. Today I had another manager literally scream at me because he thinks I'm too hard on staff. The staff in question don't turn up to scheduled meetings, don't 'believe in answering teams questions " and think that by me asking for them to show up to work I am micromanaging! This evening I had a good cry. I'm really not surprised this country is going down the pan. Work ethic is not a thing anymore.