Scared to even ask - Have I got MH issues?

[theworld4u]

Hi all,

just for some context, I am married with 2DC (age 3 and 6). 1st DC conceived 1st cycle. Got over confident and put off trying for DC2 for 1.5 yrs then started ttc and realised it wasn’t happening. Eventually conceived after 2.5 years. Wanted a 3rd and didn’t want to make the same mistake and started trying when DC2 was 9 months. But we didn’t get a chance to ttc because I ended up having hormonal and gynaecological issues for 2+ years. Finally conceived last month but this resulted in an ectopic which I am currently “miscarrying” at home with expected management.

I should also add that it came to light that DC2 has development delays. She is now 3yo and just started nursery full time. She has fleeting eye contact, short attention span, very limited communication and doesn’t interact with others. This has always been a worry but she is still under assessment and hasn’t had any diagnosis apart from “global developmental delay”. I know that it’s only been a few weeks into the term but I thought I would see some improvements in DC2. If anything, she seems to have more anger and tantrums whereas before nursery, she was more placid.

Since DC2 was 2yo, I have been bursting into tears randomly thinking about her (lack of) progress and her future. The weird thing is, I am in a corporate job and know how to put on a face and be jolly, but get overwhelmed and upset when home and I can’t communicate with DC2.

Today has been particularly difficult and I have been feeling down but not through any particular incident. I feel down in general because I can’t communicate with DC2 and she also has/does Echolalia.

Anyway, I have been randomly crying throughout the day and blaming this on God (I’m religious).

I’m sorry to ask like this and hope I don’t offend anyone (it’s not my intention) but, have I got mental health issues? I often struggle to contain any of my sad and angry feelings.

Hope someone can offer their input.

Thank you

I think you sound like you're under stress, which is entirely valid with what you're going through

@PortalooSunset thank you for your reply. I can’t stop bursting into tears. Angry for crying but can’t help it

No- you’re a parent who is stressed, and coming to terms with the challenges your child will face.

Why are you angry for crying? It's a totally normal and healthy way to let out the sorrow you are understandably feeling.

I have been crying all day today too, processing a difficult thing that happened, I think it's healthy to let it out when you are in a safe environment like home - it sounds like you are managing to keep it together at work. I would find someone to talk to IRL (friend, counsellor) so you can express to them how you are feeling too

It certainly sounds like your emotional landscape is hardly a pool lake of calm and benign contentment, but not in a 'there's something wrong with you' kind of rat, so much as a 'that's the only same response to a lot of real issues and concerns'.
I think the worst thing you could do is try to pin a smile on (sometimes it's ok, but not all the time and definitely no kidding yourself) and make out everything is fine when it's not.
The best thing you can do is try to get a handle on the situation you're in, start to process the implications of all these Huge Things!
Issues conceiving and what that means for three hours you had for the future, your dd's character and what that means for her and the family, be what sort might you need to consider etc...
None if this is small stuff!
If you weren't experiencing some big emotions that would be far more odd.
Be gentle, talk to others who understand and be honest with yourself and your nearest and dearest about your worries and grief for all that you are coming to terms with.

I'm sorry you are going through so much. I too have a 3 year old with developmental delays, he is non verbal and he doesn't have any basic understanding. He is supposed to be going nursery full time, however, he is doing one hour a day as he needs a one to one. I'm currently appealing his denied EHCP - life is tough.

Just remember you are doing a great job, and you are doing what you can. Talk to your GP or you can self refer to MIND for counselling, you will be put on a waiting list. Remember, it's totally normal to feel the way you do - we are only human 💐