Ok Ik this is really hypocritical of me but affter my shift at work I’ve relized I need help. So in my last posts I’ve said I don’t want help or rather I believe I deserve it I still believe I don’t deserve help but I do need it.
so for context I don believe I’m human I also have voices and hallucinations, I have anger issues but have’t had a problem for over a year. Now I was at work and normally I’m fine with everyone we’ll they disgust me in a fearful way but that’s not the point, but today I felt annoyed I take my job seriously even that I hate my job, for reference I work in fast food I’m the fry guy, I’ve made it clear that when I’m on fries do not touch anything it sets me back and causes more problems and they listen at least they did until today. I have had to tell people to leave the station and stop messing with everything. They did not listen so we got into a rush I was doing but still getting extremely angry at the orders which I don’t normally do. I don’t normally feel emotions the same way as others it’s complicated. But today I’ve felt nothing but anger, the more the night went on the more I became agitated I took breaks away from the station but it didn’t help I still felt angry. I admit I became more angry than I have ever been and hit a wall outside I’m ashamed to admit that but it’s what happened. I went back inside my hand bloodied and bruised put gloves on and tried to work. Unfortunately people kept messing with me touching everything dumping the fries in the trash because they didn’t like the way they look(mind you they were fresh fries) I snapped at someone telling them to excuse my language fuck off and use their smooth undeveloped brains which angered them which in return angered me. We bickered until my boss separated us, he pulled me into the office and I told him I’m mentally unstable I have not been well for a long time and that it was best I went home so he agreed and now I feel nothing it’s all gone I believe that because im not a human these punishments I’ve been given translated to emotions taking them away from me again:
I know im in the wrong but I don’t feel anything I know it’s wrong but nothing will change until I get help