Can’t cope with adhd child

[Nonono11]

i don’t know what to do anymore and feel like the future is just so bleak and scary.
my 9, almost 10 year old has adhd and is extremely hard work, school is difficult and he struggles so much with his peers, bad choices and generally seems out of control. We’ve been trying to find medication to work for close to 18 months but it takes so long to get an appt that it’s just not moving fast enough and he’s getting older and more out of control. He’s stolen from us, has been accused of bullying, it’s just unbearable that my child would be like this, at 9 that I worry what will he be like at 12,13 etc. every year has gotten significantly harder, he was the easiest baby and toddler, but since 5 onwards it’s worse every year. I don’t know what to do anymore, know one understands how hard it is to keep going when your child is like this. I can’t keep doing this and I just want to give up. I love my child dearly but I don’t know how to help him anymore, and it seems no one else does either. I feel so sad for him and our family.

This sounds so hard

I suppose there are two issues - getting help for your son with his ADHD and getting help for you with your feelings and the worry.

Do you post on the SEN boards here? There are some really knowledgeable parents on there.

For yourself I think all the basics would help just a little - so eating well, trying to sleep, talking to people about how tough it is etc.

Do you have a garden at all? Also can you go out for walks or to open spaces? These things are known to help both mental health (you) and ADHD (him).

This might not be in the least bit helpful but does he have a pet. My ds has a diagnosis of ADHD and spending time with his dog, lying with him, running with the dog on a lead..generally sitting with the dog really helped him to calm down . Especially after school and all the negative feelings for him. I know it might sound like it will increase your burden but think about it. Also as much exercise in nature as possible. And not much screens.
Try not to look too far ahead. Take each day as it comes. My ds is grown up now and leads a pretty normal life with a job and a partner but still struggles in certain areas around organisation and budgeting. He always found school a nightmare.

Can you afford to have him diagnosed privately? You would have to pay for the appointments and for the medication until they find the right balance but then it will go through your GP.

I don't have any word's of advice here, only to say that I am so relieved to have found this thread. Our 10 year old DS was diagnosed a few months ago with ADHD and extreme anxiety. Every day is a major challenge. We got his diagnosis through CAMHS but now we've been discharged as DS refuses to take the meds!!! Plus the anxiety means that he constantly feels sick, won't eat proper food, drives everyone at home distracted, is rude and loud and seemingly doesn't give a sh*t about it. His siblings are really suffering from his behavior and I'm at the end of my tether with him. 😢

thanks for the replies. He was diagnosed age 7, so it’s not a case of waiting for the diagnosis more so how long the titration process is as getting an appt is impossible. The GP can’t increase the dosage without the consultant. He’s on 20mg elvanse at the moment and we’ve seen no benefit, nor side effect.
we do have a dog, and he does find comfort from her which helps.
I know I need to stop catastrophising the future but it just seems so bleak; he can be so lovely in some situations but then truly mean and vindictive in others. He is so easily led and I worry as he grows up and the world we live in what that will mean.
@dandeloin it’s so hard when theyrr anxious as it makes the behaviour 100’times worse, I think the majority of adhd kids really struggle with this. I know myself having terrible anxiety how much (anti depression) medication has helped, but it’s just not an option with how young they are. It’s hard to help them when they’re behaviour causes so much stress and worry as it is..