I have a sibling with mental health issues, who can be highly abusive. As a child they were violent towards me (I am the younger sibling) and sexually intrusive to the point where I felt uncomfortable (not physical abuse, but inappropriate staring, wanting to see my private parts and photographing them etc.). They have reached the stage where they are very physically unwell and need hep to manage various situations. Social services will not get involved. My brother has handled a great deal of the pressure but I feel I need to step up and contribute to their care (he also lives in a different city, whereas I live in the same one as my sibling). My parents used to deal with this sibling but they are now very elderly and it is physically difficult for them to do so. This sibling has one friend who does a lot for them but I occasionally need to step in to help. The problem is that I become very very angry when I have anything to do with them They are abusive to me when I try to help them and get very angry vey quickly and I am not able to stay calm when this is happening. I normally cannot sleep the night after having any interaction with them and am feel overwhelmed the following day. It also affects my driving after as I feel overwhelmed by anger and I worry I am gong to have an accident. I feel frustrated and angry that my parents did not do a better job of raising my sibling and protecting me from them when I was young but at the same time I now need to protect my parents as they are too old to deal with this.
At the same time I can see that my sibling does not have long to live and when they are not being abusive they can be very warm and caring and grateful. It is this constant flip flop between the two states (sometimes in a flash) that makes me feel very tense around them. I feel a mix of intense anger, guilt, sorrow and love that is very difficult to deal with. I have had some therapy over the years (not for this specifically but just generally), but it has gone so badly that I am wary of doing it again. (I slo do not have a huge amount of respect for therapists mainly because one of my parents is one and I think they did an appalling job of raising both me and my siblings).
Is anyone else in a similar situation?
I feel like I take out my tensions by ranting on mumsnet which does not seem like a positive way forward.