Getting out of a black hole

[Embarrassednamechangeadoddle]

Last week or so I have been falling deeper and deeper in to a low mood. I think low mood happens generally around this time of my menstrual cycle but also I’ve been struggling with my children’s behaviour.

kids were arguing this morning and I just left them to it and sat in my room until it was time to leave for school. We have holiday in a couple of weeks and I’m not looking forward to it, in fact I’m dreading it. I’ve not gone in to work today (will claim as TOIl), just turned round half way there and drove home.

I just have a deep feeling of not caring about anything, feel close to tears a few time but can’t cry.

Any tips to get out of this hole. I usually have dips but this has lasted 2 weeks and is not improving, in fact I can feel myself almost making myself worse (internal negative self talk etc).

Oh OP, I can feel your sadness. Do you know where it comes from?

Sending lots of hugs. It’s unfortunately very common and part of the human condition so let's see what you can do for you now.

If you’re asking how to get out of a black hole then my answer really depends on what mental state you’re in right now.

Sometimes a brisk walk is all that’s needed as it changes our physicality and that impacts our emotions. But it really depends on your current mental and emotional state and sometimes a walk feels too much. And that is ok.

If you feel you can't cope do call the Samaritans, they're here for you.

If you want to change your self talk to a supportive and kind voice then I highly recommend hypnotherapy. It’ll help you rewire your subconscious. And if you can’t cry then you might have some blocked emotions, something you've buried that may need unearthing and processing.

A deep feeling of not caring about anything makes me hope you reach out to your GP or the Samaritans today, especially since this has been going on for a bit.

It sounds like you are taking a duvet day today? Good for you. Look after yourself. Keep posting on here too xx

You don’t say if you have been to the Gp about this. Life can be very hard and our bodies change as we age so what were previously just short term dips can become more pronounced. There’s a fine line between temporary lows that naturally pass and when it had to be actively managed.

@CognitiveBehaviouralHypnotherapy speaks a lot of sense. We all need the odd duvet day now and then. For today I can only suggest doing anything that helps you feel more relaxed or that distracts you.

I would suggest keeping a mood diary which tracks your menstrual cycle so when you feel better you can see what’s happening.

Options are self care (diet, sleep, good nutrition, me time) or Gp for medication.

I have realised I suffer from SAD, the darker days and spending less time outdoors in winter really affects me. I had bought a SAD lamp and usually use it from October onwards. It doesn’t stop all the symptoms but helps.

Thank you both for your kind replies.

I have not been to the GP but I will make an appointment if possible. I did have previous medication years ago for depression when my youngest was a baby and I left a previous job due to not managing stress levels. I also do, I think, also struggle this time of year generally so maybe it is a SAD thing.

Being at home alone today has already helped. The house is tidy from the weekend and instead of guilting myself into tidying up or doing something productive I have literally done nothing other than pick up some shopping. So I feel a little better already. However I know as soon as I pick up my kids the stress levels will rise again. I feel a little like the underlying cause is the strain of caring for the kids while their behaviour is difficult and of having no reliable adult to share my strains with (DH is emotionally unintelligent/unaware and has his own MH anxieties and my parents are beyond useless too).

thanks again for replying with some sensible suggestions and thoughts. I will look in to hypnotherapy

No wise advice, I'm afraid, but just wanted to say that I have felt exactly like that myself and you have my every sympathy. Especially the bit about the kids coming home - I am sometimes on edge for hours beforehand, knowing there will be shouting and stropping and things thrown down and not picked up and the very idea of it stresses me out.

If it's been going on for a couple of weeks, I'd say to get a GP appointment. I'd also recommend reading How To Tell Your Depression To P*ss Off - I found it very helpful for just getting through the dark days.

When I felt like this (which I have done a few times over the years) it's helped me to take some time off work (I would get yourself signed off with depression) and to use the time to rest, give myself some headspace, but crucially , to get out and walk every day. So even if that was my only achievement for the day I had it ticked off.

I went down the medication route and it didn't agree with me, but worth talking to your gp about this too.

You can't alter the kids being a pain (as all kids are naturally some times) but you can use the time they are out of the house to reset yourself. So if that's getting stuff done around the house (which always helps me), walking, or just having a week or so of just resting up then do it. It helps with the feeling of overwhelmed-ness at the very least.

So glad to hear that your day off helped you really well done you. You absolutely deserve it.

You sound like you’re aware of how to keep yourself well mentally.

Could it be that your current state has a few strands to it?

Is it a relationship problem, a general lack of support, parenting issue (I know my kids can drive me nuts sometimes!), a tendency to low moods?

I hear you say that you’re raising your kids without much support and that pressure strains you so much that you feel dread, disconnect, emptiness. Did I understand that correctly?

There’s a few things for you to consider:

• a conversation (or counselling) with your husband
• parenting advice
• or simply finding ways to keep making sure that you are strong enough to handle this all mentally, emotionally, physically

And then there's the holiday coming up