Sorry in advance for length - trying to balance getting background out there vs drip feeding. DMum (late 60s) has paranoid schizophrenia, generally lives an almost- normal life underpinned by medication, strong religious faith and family support. Over last 2 years she’s battled a stage 3 cancer, gone into remission. Earlier this year cancer returned at which point she stopped taking her meds and she’s become deeply unwell, peak of which was 12 weeks ago when due to lack of eating, taking water she fell into a catatonic state and had to be whisked to A&E. She’s been in hospital since then - 11 weeks in local hospital stabilising her then delivering the radiotherapy needed to treat the cancer. They’ve also managed to get her back on anti-pysch meds but what’s she’s on is not really working and as such, she’s now been sectioned initially for 28 days. This is day 5 of the section.
We are a family of 5 - I’m the eldest, and have 2 siblings in their early forties who have partners but not kids. I’m married, have 3 kids under 12 and work part time in a professional setting (think Big4 - I mention this as it’s somewhat stressful a lot
of the time). My DDad throughout this has remained the main carer/PoC for my mum but is naturally flagging under the stress of all this and so siblings and I have really tried to step in and be around much more. DB and I live much closer to where my parents are (~1.5hrs) whilst DSiS lives much further afield (~5hrs) so naturally we can care/visit DMum while DSiS tends to come down to my parents area for a few days at a time. I’ve been averaging 2 visits a week, DB 1 and DSis whilst there for 5 days at the start of this has retreated back up north and is yet to see DMum face to face in 11 weeks. DMum doesn’t like using phones etc to stay in contact but will put up with a face time if someone from the family initiates it from her bedside so DMum/DSiS have spoken on a number of occasions. DMum is always noticeably brighter after in-person visits, and has spoken about how this is helping her focus on the future.
I’m really struggling. I have my own health issues and having tested for suspected stomach ulcer amongst other things. My stress and anxiety levels are high and insomnia is bad - been awake since 4.30am today. I’ve been off work for last 4 working days on emergency leave in order to be with DMum and help get things sorted but am due to be working this week.
I feel like my own MH is on the decline. I’ve going to start seeing a clinical psychologist next week who can help me unpack what is going on & help me process this all plus have appointment coming up with GP about whether I can have medication to help (previously had sertraline to help with GAD but came off 3 years ago). I’ve told siblings I have my own issues at the moment and that I would like us to try and figure out a rota of sorts so that our parents are getting the regular visits they need so there is the possibility where for a day 1 or 2 weeks I don’t go, but they instead have picked up the slack and are there instead.
So here’s the thing- a conversation last night with DSis has been stewing all night and need some perspective. She told me she’s not sure when she can come down to be with mum and help out because she’s “REALLY BUSY” - might be in 3 or 4 weeks time!! She’s lives a “low-impact lifestyle” of her own making (can’t/won’t drive, earns a living from running arts & craft classes, runs an Airbnb, making pottery to sell etc) so money is understandably tight and I get her reluctance to step away from her setup but we only have one mum! So looking for some perspective from others on this before I lose my shit about it and say something to my sister that I may come to regret! Thanks