Debt and despair

[Mummype]

Hi guys. I am a 35 yo woman married with 2 kids. 5 years ago I had racked up 30k of debt which I hid from husband and everyone. It got too much and I drove into a lorry..I don't know how I survived but I did. Left with lifelong injuries and relieved mental help and physical help too.i can no longer work so we are single income. Husband pays for all our priority bills,n food, electricity etc as I felt it best to no longer manage or have access to finances as debt fear triggers me. To protect my MH I was told to completely ignore letters etc and forget it which I have done for over 5 years but I can't forget it anymore and I won't get better until I do. After everything is paid have about 100 spare to pay off. Will anyone help me? I'm starting to spiral again and I'm very scared

Who told you to ignore letters? Your husband? In general that is not good advice for debt problems even taking mental health concerns into consideration (it’s different if your husband is genuinely sorting it all out on your behalf obviously). As you’ve realised it’s just playing on your mind anyway.

I would really recommend contacting StepChange. They will definitely be able to help you, don’t panic.

Oh dear. I'm so sorry to hear that you felt so desperate that you did that. However there are organisations that can help. Please approach them. Take care Start here maybe www.citizensadvice.org.uk/debt-and-money/debt-solutions/

If you are starting to spiral again, then seek help for your mental health. Tell your husband. Tell your GP. If you are still under a team, tell your CCo. Call the crisis line if you need to. Tell them not us, they can help you.

Lots of people and I stupidly listened. I almost had an arrangement made with PayPal years ago but an error on their end meant the repayment amount shot up 6 times which completely triggered me and I broke down. I feel sick to my stomach

When you say paypal, Do you mean step change? I can recommend them. Someone needs to help you through it, and you will get through it.

No real advice except to say that I'm so glad you are still here ♥️ I know that debt is scary and overwhelming, and it can carry a huge amount of guilt. Carrying a secret like that can be debilitating- I know first hand. You are not alone, and I hope you're able to open up about how you're feeling. Step Change is a great resource xxx

Sorry I meant to say payplan. I have been recommended stepchange and I can only hope and pray I can come to some sort of resolution over this. Its like a ton weight on my mind

I went through Step change. Have you had a look at their website? I believe the phone lines are open over the weekend.

Did you find the process easy? I have a phoen consultation on Tuesday and I am sick with fear

It was fairly straight forward. They were brilliant. They don't judge, they help and support all the way through the process.

What is your situation in terms of housing ? In your situation I would be looking seriously into bankruptcy. Are you claiming benefits for your disabilities now ?

Home - Debtors Anonymous UK

Myself and my husband own our property although husband pays for everything. Bankruptcy for me I don't think would suit me..just the shame alone and I know many are in debt but the shame is the killer. I do receive benefits, I badly damaged my leg in the crash and can no longer work due to mobility issues on top of the MH problems. I feel so ashamed and I can't even begin to describe the dread I feel

You say you have a phone appointment for Tuesday. That is a good positive step and one that will get a plan in place to deal with this, ultimately leading to putting all this behind you.

Turns out it was a complete scam artist I've been in communication with..I'm usually very aware but these were so believable and now I'm.worried once I speak with the real guys that they won't be able to help. This is such a mess

What makes you think they won't be able to help?
The citizens advice is another good source of guidance. Are you thinking of going down the IVA route?

Christians Against Poverty or Stepchange. Both free and non-judgemental.

Don't be down on yourself, you're not the first and won't be the last to get into this situation and hide it from your husband.

Always reach out for mental health support. Debt is temporary.

I got an Iva after overspending during the lockdown. It's an affordable amount every month. I haven't missed a payment and my credit rating is rising. My mental health has improved significantly since I sorted everything out. It's much easier than you think and then you can ignore the letters. Please get help 💐

For a 30k debt would they accept 100-150 per month? I can't afford anything else

I take it your husband now knows? And your husband has been paying it? For the last 5 years?

Step change will go through you incomings and our goings to decide an amount. if that’s all you have that all you have?

You need to write to each individual debtor with a template letter saying that you are permanently disabled and unable to pay. Include medical proof, proof of PIP etc and all your account numbers. There is every chance that they will write the debt off. Other wise step change. And when I say YOU it could be your DH that writes the template, fills in all your details and account numbers and collates all of the information and then send it.

There is zero point in feeling any shame, it's a totally pointless emotion that almost cost up your life.

Contact Christian’s against poverty (CAP). You don’t need to be Christian and their help is free but they’re all trained. They can support you through this. You’re not on your own with this.

No nothing has been paid at all. I let it just go as I couldn't cope and I can't keep hiding away from it

I'm just so sick with worry because I only have 100 quid spare each month to pay towards...150 max. This is all such a mess

You can fill in the online tool at Stepchange.org It should give you advice straight away.