Nervous Breakdown Down - when will I recover?

[Sparkcli]

Hi, hope you are keeping well. I am 45 and had a nervous breakdown a year ago. I haven't worked since. I have small children and had a very busy job. I was put on HRT for perimenopause and have tried several different antidepressants. I have a history of depression which I have always managed with medication & counselling. I am shocked I am still not well after a year. I don't feel I can do anything and am constantly overwhelmed. I have tried exercise, accupuncture, nutruon. But am not good at sticking at things and also use alcohol to self medicate. I am beginning to think I will never get better. I also wonder do I just need tough love and to get over myself. Any advice or sharing your story welcome x

HI, OP!

First of all, I am so sorry for what you're going through. I am in no way a mental health specialist/medical professional, but:

1. Is the trigger that caused the meltdown away from you now? Please remember that healing has no set timeline and try to not impose that on yourself by saying "I thought I'd be okay by now"
2. Are you still doing therapy?
3. What is TRULY helping you other than alcohol? For example, you say you tried exercise, but you can't stick to it. How about you try, only this week, to exercise for 5 minutes a day? Only 5 minutes!

OP I had a breakdown, recovered and then hormones set me back again!

Could your HRT be causing the slow progress and setbacks? I think it took 3 days if me switching HRT to feel much much better. Like a new person!!

My heart was fluttery and my chest was tight for the whole time. I always felt "on the edge" - even if I had too many texts I felt overwhelmed.

Hope you get better. It's awful x

I also wanted to ask: do you have any RL support?

readingismycardio - thanks so much for your reply I really apprecaite it. All brilliant questions:

1. Triggers was a stressful job, husband made redundant and not wanting to get a job. exhaustion, perimenopuase, 2 young kids and no time for myself. Using alchol to self soothe secretly. Work is gone, my husband has a job thankfully and I am on HRT so things should be better. I do think I lack a routine. I have a very big internal critic and high expectations. I beat myself up as dont feel like doing anything other than of course looking after kids which I do.
2. Yes I have been doing therapy 15 years as have history, have it again today. I have never had to take time off work before. Let alone a year which I am shocked and amshamed of. I know I shouldnt be but that is the truth
3. I dont think anything is helping certainly alchol isnt. I did 4 hrs exercise the last few weeks which did help but almost overdid it so tired now. When I feel like this nothing helps I and I just want to hide in bed. I know I should get out but dont want to until I have counslling and collect the kids after
4. RL supporr. After a year of this my husband is definitely tired or of it and I think my parents who live far away have had enough. I have fallen out with my sister and am avoiding people. A few good friends know but I think I am a burden to them so keep it in and hide when I feel like this.

Fistralstorm - sorry to hear about your breakdown and set backs. Very glad you are feeling better now. I have had a year of experimenting with HRT and am under the care of few consultants (Gynae / Menopuase / Psychiatrist). I think the hormone drugs are probably ok now although have no way of knowing. I did have the coil put in a few months before my breakdown for adenomyosis and do wonder did it contribute. That said I do think my primary issue is depression although know they are linked

thank you both for your kindness replying x

I do think I lack a routine. I have a very big internal critic and high expectations. I beat myself up as dont feel like doing anything other than of course looking after kids which I do.

I also feel this way. I am hugely perimenopausal and my life feels like it has ground to a halt. I have 3 dc and been a sahm for a long time. I don't know what I expected when my youngest starting school - that I would suddenly 'find' something. But then the hormonal issues set in (on top of other mh issues) and
I've just found myself going around in a huge loop. I attempt to coax myself to try something and end up doing nothing (much). Relationship issues too and I fear I could climb into bed whilst the dc are at school and stay there till they come home. I have started taking setraline (early days) and hoping that will have some effect. I also take HRT but so far it hasn't made any huge difference (and this needs tweaking). I hadn't planned to take HRT but my anxiety just shot up through the roof.

Forever reflecting on my life - raking over the past but not moving forward as such. If someone were to ask me what I want a year from now, I wouldn't have a clue except to stop procrastinating and feel at least like I want to try something. Socialising can feel like bloody hard work. I make an effort with friends from time to time or else I would become very isolated.

No real advice op. I know exercise helps but it is getting in the right mindset. Ditto fresh air. Have just finished a year of therapy and will likely have some more next year. I'm thinking about getting a dog to help with the above but fear they will become a burden instead of a joy. Alcohol (sadly) makes me feel worse and I've managed to cut down on this since taking the antidepressants. I feel like I'm hanging in there

seesawmajorieall - Thank you for the reply. honestly I feel like I could have written it myself. Sorry to hear you are going through such a tough time. I too feel like I could crawl into bed when kids are at school and have to force myself to do anything. I went to the gym today which helped but I find the house and things I feel I need to do overwhelming and just want to run and hide. Then where to get the energy to figure out what to do career wise, I dont know that I will ever have that energy again. Hear you on the socialising too, I even find that with family is exhausting. Well done you on cutting down alchol it really makes a difference. I find even 2 drinks I just cant handle the day after. Please mind yourself. This will pass. I keep telling myself that anyway!

I've been toying with joining the gym and I have also tentatively put myself forward for some voluntary work (very low key) but might help with socialising a bit. Energy has slumped. Right now I feel like I'm fighting off a virus but it always seems to be something where i feel lacking energy. The career thing has done loop the loop in my head. I think I've missed the boat there and fortunately don't have to work but want a bit more fulfillment. Unfortunately, running alongside all of this, I am after dopamine hits (I'm eating a fair bit of chocolate but I guess I could have far worse addictions). I have an underlying rumbling of unhappiness not helped by ongoing issues in my relationship which in itselt can leave me feeling exhausted. I'm just trying to focus on me for now and build my life up a bit.

How are you doing?

I can't believe I've just survived 6 weeks, 4 days from that moment I didn't think I'd make it through.

I take 200mg sertraline daily plus 50mg quertapine at night I also have diazepam and sleeping tablets for the harder days.

I'm on the list for therapy but I really just need to learn coping strategies.

I was very lucky that as a single female (late 30s) that a close relative made the decisions for me to stay with them so I could be looked after, so made me dinner and took all responsibility of me. They also attended medical appointments with me in case I wasn't able to facilitate or in case I masked the issues and also was able to explain what had been said after the meetings in case I heard what I wanted to hear instead of what had been discussed.

I am now feeling more stable (not better) and I have reached out to friends who have all been supportive which I knew but doubted in the darkness and am now home trying to look forward.

I know I'm not better by a long stretch I know I need medication to support me but I also need strategies and therapy and to be kind to myself.

I hope you're being kind to yourself xx