Feel guilty about feelings towards feeding baby.

[Martha200]

DS1 was ff, (for various reasons that was the best decision at the time)and at times really hated feeding him, as he took sooo long to feed, then he'd puke a lot, then want feeding again quite quickly. I thought it was down to feeling a failure for not BF and then PND picked up months later.

Now nearly 5 yrs later and with DS2 am bf DS1 and I soooo wanted to, and am pleased that this time I am able to.. but do I enjoy it? I feel like a yo yo, very recently started to feel the same way again. Sometimes I don't have a problem feeding him, but sometimes I dread the next feed

It makes me feel awful that I feel like this at times.. last night I was tempted to bin the BF (like I say I really wanted to BF) and go to bottles, but I can't, because I'll only depress myself about it, give myself a real reason to fail.

I finally went to a bf support group in the week, the ladies were lovely, but I don't think I can go back because it's in my head that I may only bf for 6mths and I already express, so am not as good as them for exclusively bfeeding (which I am assuming they all do.)

I feel shite hearing myself have the feelings of I really dread feeding sometimes. but I do. I seem to be really busy but achieve not very much

that's DS2 NOT BF ds1 now!!

Don't assume anything re:the bf support group- the NCT mums I knew ALL bfed for 3 months, then started doing Gina Ford and transferring to bottles at 3 months. Which I thought was a bit odd tbh. Not that it was my business really.

Not sure how old your DS2 is - but sounds like you are putting too much pressure on yourself to get things done - newborns are hardwork, and it's more important IMO you catch up with sleep than housework.

I hated b/f - every minute of it and it affected the way I felt about ds too I think - I found it very difficult to feed him and he had terrible colic when I did so screamed a lot. I don't think this is uncommon and I don't think anyone in a b/f support group would judge you for only wanting to feed for 6 months.

With dd and ds I gave myself a date to stop b/f and told myself I would carry on until that date and I would not stop beforehand. It really helped me, it made the whole process seem finite and manageable. If I were you I would think about doing something like this as you obviously do not want to stop b/f.

7 wks...and thanks for response

You are judging yourself really harshly, it sounds like you are doing very well. The women at the bf group will not judge you for expressing - I bet they do it too!

I also had very mixed feelings about bf. After an appalling start I only ever managed to mix feed. I felt like a failure, but now I am glad I managed to bfeed at all.

I think you need to keep talking on here and maybe find someone to talk to in real life too, to help you sort out your feelings. Best of luck.

if you want to give up BF then do it. Dont let ANYONE make you feel guilty esp yourself. It does NOT make you any less of a mum if you dont BF no matter what anyone says. Im sure you are doing a fantastic job so dont let this get you down. If you dreed doing it then maybe it just isnt right for you. It isnt abnormal to feel like you do.

I hated BF. I never wanted to do it and I was very anti it actuallt. Not against anyone else doing it just me. I felt awful for 9 whole months about it and everyone kept having a go at me saying how i should do it and put baby first. I gave my ds first few feeds (i was told even just 1 feed would be greatly beneficial) then started to bottle and i DONT regret it one bit. He is thriving. You need to make sure you look after yourself and your feelings otherwise you will suffer and then your relationship with your dc might suffer aswell.

"Only 6 mths" - ONLY! Did I read this correctly?! 6 mths is a huge achievement - remember, the majority in the UK don't make it much past 6 weeks - and for good reason. Bf is hard work, physically demanding and involves a lot of personal sacrifice. And expressing doesn't negate any of that. I made it 9 mths with my dd - but not entirely through choice. I found it very hard for the 1st 3 mths after which it improved but I did start to feel trapped. I started weaning her on to a cup at 5 1/2 mths as was desperate to give up (and she refused a bottle from early age - and I tried everything). When I got down to one bf a day I felt fantastic.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Maybe give yourself a goal of 3 mths and then say you will re-evaluate (it often is getting easier by then) and then take it from there. I agree with comments re. BF support groups - they are there to support and are not going to be judging.
Well done for getting this far.

Oh this does make me so cross! Women are put under too much pressure to BF, and then when we have problems we are made to feel like a failure.

FWIW martha, have a chat to your HV (if she is any good) about the let down reflex, for both of my DDs (15 years apart!) when i was BF i had the most awful sad feeling come over me just after they latched on. It only lasted a few minutes but it was really intense and horrible. I think it is to do with the effect of prolactin release as this is closely related to seratonin and i think, im not sure, they affect each other. Sorry, im waffling, but that might explain how you feel with a real valid physical reason which once you can rationalise will help you overcome it.

I was never able to solely BF i expressed (i was either feeding DD2 or expressing, it was surreal!) and in the end i did half breast, half formula. I had to give up at 5 months due to illness and i felt terrible about this. DD is now 2.5 and i think, fuck me, why did i do this to myself?? I think that if there are no problems, then breast feeding is easiest, and best. I feel totally of women who are happily BF their babies and have no problems. But if there are problems then dont beat yourself up over it - do what is best for you.

You have persevered with this for 7 weeks, that is fantastic - if i were to give you some advice i would say, do half and half for a bit, until you feel like you want to stop. Then you are not under so much pressure, do away with the expressing and feed formula to top up. I honestly don't think you should carry on with something that is making you feel so negative.

You say you had PND the first time, it sounds like its come back lovely. Time for a visit to the doctors, dont do what i did and suffer in silence for two years

Interestingly i had so much pressure from my family to FF that i wonder if the bloody minded bint inside me just rebelled (at 36 years old ffs!).

You have given your baby the best possible start in life, all the antibodies from you have been passed onto him in the early weeks so he has a head start in immunity, which for me, was my main reason for BF, so its job done really. Don't beat yourself up anymore over this, decide what you want to do, then get a steriliser and go for it

As for not getting much done, you have a 7 week old baby and an older sibling - its allowed

Another thing you want to think of too, and im a bit loathe to say this but its worth mentioning. If you are feeling bad about BF then your DS will pick up on this and it will be pants for both of you. That makes, for me anyway, FF a sensible option, best for you both.

Do let us know how you get on, there are always lots of lovely mnetters out there for advice and a cyber hug. xx

i always had a degree of negative feeling about breast feeding and sufered depression which i feel contributed.

think i used to resent the time it took, the degree of dependence on myself and the sometimes boredom!!

la leche helped and propping myself up with cushions and a really good book!

i still get negative feelings but am still feeding at 22 months having only planned to aim for 3months.

i have to say that i often found the physical sensation annoying and agitating and still do around the time of my period.

often i gritted my teeth and carried on. still don't know why i perservered but am glad i did as it inevitably gets easier with time and experience.

Thanks for your posts, they really help (excuse a cut and paste though reply too!)

Was unable to make it to the BF support group yesterday, but I will go back next week, hopefully with a little less stressy baby who appeared to be starving that morning!!

When I saw the bf counsellor last week I told her it was my goal to get to the group and talk to someone about my list of problems/questions with BF but my Csection had kept me from driving, and now I was there I found I was going and didn't have those questions! She was very sweet and said I had done really well to fix them by myself.. and I had to tell her actually no, it was the internet keeping me going.. asking the questions, hearing the replies and making my own judgements etc, so thank you MNetters!

That week I also dropped in at the local pnd group that is run. They have a creche and when I said I wanted to keep ds2 with me because he needed feeding they suggested I feed him then return him to the creche.. I bawled my eyes out as I know how long he can feed and said I would miss the session and was about to leave the building when someone said it was ok to feed him in the group, the idea of the creche was for 'me' time. I then figured how emotional I have got over the feeding and now my visitors have come and gone, I do feel somewhat isolated and scared of boring those I meet face to face. My HV twice on the trot expressed grave concern over his weight (bloody weight was plotted wrong with his age, and that wasn't helping me with confidence over the feeding either.)
It's his 8wk check this afternoon, so if they panic again over weight I refuse to go to clinic for weighing in again, as he is clearly putting weight on to me, loads of dirty nappies, content moments happening more and more.. and have decided to keep a one formula a day for my mental health.. at the moment what we have works, so it doesn't need fixing as such... though my right nipple, wonder if it will EVER be normal again! It took ages to recover from the poor latching on from the start, but now all it takes is a quick mince with the mouth if he has wind and feel in pain again!

I have come to the conclusion I am not abnormal for my feelings, maybe my feelings will improve with time, maybe not, but either way I am doing what I sooo set out to do at the start and am reminding myself there IS a bigger picture out there other than how a baby is fed or not fed!!