Being bullied at work, intrusive thoughts, can't leave

[notparticularlycoping]

I am having a really grim time at work at the hands of someone who I'm not going to diagnose but is an arsehole with narcissistic tendencies.

I've just done a really good project which got national press coverage and she has thrown a fit because she is jealous and accusing me of - well nothing. But she is still furious.

It is insane. I know it is insane. But I am close to retirement age and will find it hard to get another job. I can't afford the house otherwise.

I am having intrusive thoughts. I don't know what to do.

Document all incidents, get witnesses, and take it to HR

This is awful for you You need to speak to HR about getting this addressed. Your company will have a harassment at work policy.
Meanwhile, do you have a friend or family who can support you to help deal with the intrusive thoughts?

Is she doing these things at work? Speak to HR/your manager.
Wish I had an answer. I was bullied a lot when I started working my solution was a career change. I was though a lot younger.
Hope you find peace and a way through this.

Is she the same level/below/above?

I’m guessing she’s younger than you. I’ve seen this behaviour from someone in my team and I’m out the other side but I’ll definitely say that I’m still bruised and I’m not sure I’ll fully recover. However, it’s since become apparent that everyone around me saw it. No one said anything (survival mode in team restructure) but now my work goes no where near the team bitch and funnily enough my feedback has returned to being perfect and positive.

Do you have a freedom to speak up person or whistle blowing policy?

You’re far too experienced to tolerate this shit so don’t. Call it out when it happens - “let’s remember to be kind” type comments with a false smile.

As a final step, speak to your gp. At its worst I did this because I couldn’t sleep and I needed sleep to be able to cope. I got sleep pills and the promise I could be signed off. I opted not to because it would have been used against me in the restructure but I planned to get my job confirmed and then take time out. In reality, things improved once jobs were confirmed and the bully’s behaviour was challenged so I’ve not used the gp’s offer.

Thank you everyone, it's really helpful just to be able to say this out loud somewhere.

No HR, tiny place. Her behaviour is recognised as a problem, but every time she is confronted she gets worse.

@TeenLifeMum I think going to the GP is a really good idea. Melatonin usually works well for me but at the moment it is barely touching the sides.

Who does she report to? And why is she still in her job?!

Good questions. But if I answered them, it would be quite identifiable. Imagine a situation where someone set up a company, stepped back but is still on the board. Like Rupert Murdoch, only without his charm.

I've just realised what she's done too. It's like a narc who can't bear not being the centre of attention at someone else's wedding; she's thrown a fit because no one is looking at her.

Like Rupert Murdoch, only without his charm. 😂

Is it possible to just ignore her, or to sigh - heavily and with a touch of pity - whenever she kicks off? In what way is she bullying you?

She sounds unhinged to the absolute max.

Keep doing you, OP and keep pissing her off! 😁 make us proud.

Buy her a mirror so she can stare at herself. Lol!!

Apparently people could only calm Russell Brand down by showing him a photo of himself.

Print off a photo of her and pin it on the wall?

The bullying is a flexible thing, which evolves to meet every way I deal with it.

She started by shouting at me in meetings. I no longer meet with her alone. Then she started ignoring some of my emails and not responding to them even if I asked two or three times. Then she got paranoid that I was more popular than her and sulked, visibly and heavily, when I got an award. Then I was sending all my emails wrong and have a very detailed list of how to do it right. Either I or someone else is going to put their foot down

It gets worse, but that would be too revealing. And yes, she is unhinged. Or to be precise she is a potential narc feeling threatened and desperately trying to hold on to her good opinion of herself as better than everyone else and so raging furiously.

The Russell Brand idea is brilliant, although the scary thing is that it might work. And I am not sure I want anything to work. The awful thing - which I cannot admit anywhere else - is that I have got her number and I know why she does what she does, while everyone else thinks she is totally random. Which is some kind of advantage. Perhaps.

Thank you everyone, I feel so much better for saying this out loud.

Absolute arsehole. Too many of them in workplaces. Glad I’m retired now x

Document everything. Worse comes to the worst you will have a very good case for constructive dismissal. In the meantime shut her down in your own mind; she has no power over you if you refuse to give her any. Say little but look her straight in the eye at all times.

Just in case anyone finds this and wonders, she left. By mutual agreement, but in part because of her behaviour.

I now love my work again, but un-tensing my entire being is going to take a while longer yet.

I think once you’ve been through something like this you are forever vigilant. I keep most people (outside the family) at arm’s length now x