Who do you offload to?

[Smallbluefish]

I’d really appreciate peoples thoughts / suggestions …

I guess it’s a case of ‘laugh and the world laughs with you - cry and you cry alone’. When things get really tough - I have no-one that I can speak to about it.

I’ve had a pretty horrendous life (the traumas and losses are too many to articulate here). And yet, still, it seems there’s just blow after blow … I guess I’ve just been unlucky.

I try not to moan to people but am conscious that everything is welling up inside to the point I think I’ll just implode. I shake constantly with fear/worry/anxiety. Sometimes I just shut down because I don’t know how to assimilate everything. I know I need to be able to vent but to who?

I can’t afford a counsellor, I tried talking therapies after my partner passed and it was truly awful. GP cares not one bit! I only have a couple of close friends who have seen me go through a lot over the years but I can’t keep bringing my negativity to their door. It’s no-one else’s problem but mine.

I have no-one. Does anyone else feel the same and have any suggestions for how to find an outlet to vent/express their feelings.

I wont go into details about where my heads at currently … sufficed to say it’s been a very dark place for a very long time. I know I need to do something about this - and fast.

ChatGPT is only an algorithm but it can feel like venting to an internet agony aunt.

Mumsnet is also good although responses can be harsh sometimes.

Threads (social media) can be okay.

None of these are the same as talking to a person but they’re okay in moderation.

My couple of friends really, like you said.

Can I also suggest audiobooks. If there are times when you think and think and think and it gets unhelpful for you, listening to a story can be a good distraction.

I am definitely someone like you that struggles to ask for help / talk.
However, it’s not good for your mental health, and you, like me, can only hold on for so long. I’m currently off work, have been for two months, my MH hit rock bottom and I stopped functioning.
My friends and family wish I’d spoken up sooner. I should have got to the GP sooner.
Still debating counselling but I’m not sure I can face it yet.
Anyway; my point is, try your friends, speak to a different GP. Don’t be afraid of meds to ease the pain. It’s what they’re there for. ❤️

The Samaritans are always there to talk to and listen in a non judgmental way. Please don’t keep everything to yourself, call them or text.

Have you tried either Samaritans or a specific issue helpline related to something that's happened to you?

A lot of understanding people give their time specifically to answer calls from people like you.

oh OP, you sound like you've been through a lot we're here for you.

I read between the lines that you're keen to actually have a coffee with someone and chat to them? And we don't always have someone available.

This is what I do when I don't have an ear to listen to me:

When I just need a fix and a pep talk I speak to a specific friend, this is always a very short convo.

When the pressure is too much I do breath work, journaling, or go for a run. Any creative expression can help get those emotions out too: dance, painting, writing (leave perfectionism at the door, I'm talking big, loose or fast movements that connect you to what's inside).

When I want to pour my heart out on a specific matter, I share the problem with someone in a similar boat and who can relate (kids' problems with mum friends, business chat with other self employed mates, etc). This also means, it's not always the same person I'm talking to.

I have recently chatted to my besties from way back and we said let's have regular zoom calls but there's never enough time for this.

It can be helpful to make a list of everything that bothers you. Try and be as specific as possible about each problem situation that weighs you down. That way, you'll be able to target each issue in a conversation rather than having a general vent. Because even though we think just having a big moan is healthy, they're not focused and after a short relief there's no improvement and a worse feeling in the long term.

I have colleagues (psychologists) who are in analysis themselves. As a therapist I have peer support when I need it (but use it rarely). What I found helps me most is supporting others. It lifts me up.

Would you choose any of these?

Journaling helps. Also I would try talking Therapies again- there some great therapists, bad luck you met an awful one but you can self- refer to primary care talking Therapies as often as you like so keep trying until you get someone good. Also you can ask to change therapist if you get another bad one. You deserve good support.

I don't know where you're located, though some hospitals have mental health departments that offer group therapies that last from 3 to 6 to 9 months. They are usually guided by members, and there's a Nurse, Psychiatrists and a Psychologist there.

There are people there from all walks of life, and group therapies can range from all of you sharing and supporting each other, going out and exploring museums, nature, etc, etc

MH is important like our physical health is important. If your arm was broken, you could see a doctor and get help, same thing with MH.

As I said, I don't know your location and if you're close to hospitals or group therapies like that, but it's brave of you to be proactive about your MH and not wanting to bottle things up any longer 💓

Sending you solidarity and love. I'm sorry it has been so rough for you, and continue to be.

I don't know if this is how you might feel but I feel like I can't tell people the extent of how I feel because it's too much and I worry that they will feel somehow responsible to make me feel better / my emotion or feeling will harm them.

I don't have a solution,but if as others have said groups might be helpful. Or if you do have a friend or two who you can say to 'I don't need you to do anything or to make this better, but can I just brain dump pls'

I'm saying this whilst also knowing that rn I have cut myself from all my friends because I am so depressed and so worried about my daughter and can't bear to sit with them and tell them the depth of feeling. So yeh....

But if you want to vent to a somewhat faceless other person, feel free to PM me.

I support colleagues navigate “stuff” so I’m lucky enough to have clinical supervision. We have a couple of employee assistance lines available, offering up to six sessions. Depending your industry/ sector size of employer you should.
Even better imo is Able Futures- free to you MH coaching for 9 months
https://able-futures.co.uk/

Thank you so much you lovely, lovely people for your responses.

I think it’s got to the point that, given the opportunity, I’d struggle to know where to start (and the fear that some poor person would end up being on the receiving end of my emotional tsunami when it finally comes out!)

And I guess it’s the underlying feeling of being a burden on others. Everyone else has their own problems to deal with - they don’t need mine aswell.

@CognitiveBehaviouralHypnotherapy yes, you’ve pretty much nailed it. Sitting down and talking over coffee would be the ideal. But, there really is no-one.

A few of you have mentioned the Samaritans and yes, I probably should try that. I’ve debated reaching out to A&E / crisis groups when I’ve had intentions (never did though). But Samaritans I have never contacted. I do feel rather like I’m wasting precious resources that might be better used elsewhere though.

@desikated your post resonated a lot! I hope you also can find a conduit for offloading too. Sending hugs.

I think I like the idea of a group session type option. I love being around people (even though I have very few friends) and, even though I’ve got to the point of saying I’ve just had enough of this life … I still love listening to other people and, where possible, helping them. Maybe a group setting would allow a bit of both.

I’m so sorry I haven’t replied to everyone personally, but thanks to each of you for taking the time to reply.

Why was Talking Therapies awful? I know they tend to make you try CBT first and it can be quite invalidating, but after that you should be eligible to have counselling.

Have you researched local support groups? Where I live there is a group that meets three times a week ... not professional counsellors but people getting together to try and support each other? I don't think it costs more than a small donation to cover the hall hire and tea and biscuits.

But Samaritans I have never contacted. I do feel rather like I’m wasting precious resources that might be better used elsewhere though. Sorry to be blunt @Smallbluefish but no, this is wrong. The service is staffed by volunteers who genuinely want people to phone. Many are people who've had need to call themselves in the past. They have time for everyone who calls.

I understand that many people don't want to 'burden' others. But I want to invite you to rethink and reframe that in your mind and heart. Humans love connection. People want to help you, you know.

I agree with PP, don't hesitate to reach out for help any time you need it, whether it's the Samaritans or on here, or indeed find a group locally. You sound lovely, OP!

I've been going through a mental health crisis too OP. I live alone, and it's been so challenging. I have rung every friend and family member, and feel bad bothering them. I have rung the Samaritans loads. Almost every night for a while. I also felt guilty; but there were times when honestly it was that or suicide, and I know if I took my life it would hurt others terribly, so if I frame it that way, ringing the Samaritans kept me alive, which is better for everyone, so actually not a selfish thing at all.
I have had a mixed response from the Samaritans. Mostly positive though. They're volunteers, and you'll click with some and not others.

I'm happy to listen to you. Feel free to pm me if you'd like to talk. I'm sure many others here would say the same.

Bless you, and stay safe x