Parenting with depression (tw - suicidal ideation)

[productofspain]

Anyone else in this boat? DC is 11. They are wonderful, and deserve so much more from me. I am finding life unbearable - I know I’m heading for another deep depression and I just don’t know if I can survive it this time.

How do you make it through the days? What can I do? I have a private therapist but I can’t afford it for much longer. I came off anti depressants earlier this year as they weren’t working. The GP’s only option is to go back on them. I don’t know what I want from this thread - probably to see if I’m alone?

Sorry - that didn’t make much sense. I just don’t know what to do. I’m sitting here on my bed crying, wishing I didn’t have to be alive anymore. But dc need me. But I can’t bear to be alive. But I know rationally that it would be much worse for them if I died. I just don’t know what to do

You're not alone. I see many patients in this situation. There is a lot of help out there but it can be tricky to access. Have you been referred to your local mental health team? Or your local IAPT? (I don't know where you live but IAPT is free, waiting lists are around 1-3 months and they offer all kinds of talking therapies)

There's also Qwell which is free online counselling (NHS funded), silvercloud has a lot of helpful stuff on there.

Offering a hand hold xx

Thank you x

My dad took his own life when I was 22. I spent my whole childhood battling his mental health but I would do it all over again if it meant I could spend one more day with him!
you are enough and you are your child’s world. I know depression doesn’t work like that but you have to fight because I am one of those children left behind and I can tell you there is no words to describe the pain of losing a parent that way.
please reach out and try medication again, you may have just been on wrong pills or dosage, it’s worth a try.

So sorry you're feeling like this. The only people I know of to combat depression without meds is anyone on the carnivore diet - Google Shawn Baker to get testimonials. It has an almost instant effect for most - couple of days.
I don't often tell folk about this - because it sounds bonkers. But it works.
In the meantime - you're not alone, hang in there. Your DC does need you.

I've suffered from bad mental health all of my life. It got a lot worse during perimenopause where I just didn't want to be here anymore.
You are not alone.
I've been on and off antidepressants and it's very much a case of finding the right meds for you.

There are loads of types of anti depressants tho op - some work for some some work for others. Worth trying another type until you find something that works? I feel for you I was in the same boat as you a few weeks ago - pure torture but thank god new ad's seem to have kicked in. Hope you find something- I wouldn't be alive without being on anti depressants (for last 20 odd years). I feel guilty about effects on my kids but I guess the alternative (I.e suicide) is much worse for them. And you obvs. Wish you good luck
.x

Silver cloud is great. I previously had private therapy, but I can honestly say that the NHS services have been great (Apps with a mentor/weekly exercises and then 10 one to one sessions. We focused a lot on lifting mood through activity planning, increasing motivation etc. I have stuck with it and it has helped me get through each day. Go back to your Dr or see a different one. Are you heading towards the perimenopause or menopause (i.e. 40+)? If so, you might be able to try hrt if you are not already on it. You might find that different medication or a different dose of it works.

If you go onto the NHS website and search depression/anxiety you will find links to self refer. Definitely make a drs appt for asap. 8f you feel worse, call 111 and ask for a crisis team. Have you spoken to any of your friends about this? Can someone step in and help you to make appointments?

I also find the calm app good. I have bought a blue tooth sleepmask and listen to the emergency calm sessions and their sleep stories.

I've also found that a hot shower in the evening, clean sheets and a funny easy read book helps. Am happy to recommend books if you need it.

You are definitely not alone. You have reached out for support here which is a great step, so well done. You will get there. I'm just emerging from a low period that lasted many months, but I am in a much better place now. I thought that I was going to be stuck there indefinitely, but a holiday with friends, getting out more, activity planning etc had helped me and over the summer I have gradually improved. Still a bit of a way to go, but I feel much more positive now. You will get through this, but you'll get through it quicker, the more help you get.

Thank you for the replies. It is very helpful to know you can get through this.

@Oioicaptain I would appreciate some book recommendations! Thank you. I can’t concentrate much at the moment and when I look at my book pile I feel like a failure

im scared of trying new anti depressants. I feel fobbed off when I see the doctor. I don’t think there is any support really for people like me. the gp referred me to the mental health team but it was a 12 month wait and eventually I got into a group session on managing panic attacks. That was all that was available

I am really trying. I just don’t know how much longer I can keep trying for

Bill Bryson for funny books, his travel ones more than the info ones - so Little Dribbling or any of the UK travel ones. Just read Down Under which also made me chuckle out loud.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.