Are you a mum with a mental health problem?

[desikated]

(This isn't a weird ad / request for research participants!)

I have a 2yo. Major PND and anxiety. Had depression and anxiety for many years pre pregnancy. Kind of mid breakdown just now. Not going to kill myself but feel pretty suicidal and like I don't want to be here. My husbands been so worried he's called 999 before.

Are there other mums out there with these kind of problems? I feel quite alone and I just want to know if this does seem quite an extreme situation or is it shared by any others?

Sounds like me.

I have a 2 year old and a 17 month old. They have an 11 month age gap. So much has happened regarding their health that I can’t get into it as I’d be typing all day! I have PND with my first but had CBT to help get over the trauma relating to her birth. That helped massively.

Then when my son came out of NICU, I was so depressed as he was born with a disability and it all felt like too much trying to care for both of them. I ended up speaking with my GP and now I’m on antidepressants. They didn’t do much at first but once the kids got a bit bigger and we had a good routine, things felt manageable.

When I was pregnant with my son I was suicidal and admitted myself into hospital. I was under the perinatal mental health team at the time who checked in with me regularly.

What exactly are you struggling with? Is it bonding with your child/day to day mum life? Do you have enough support around you? Do you do any mindfulness or have you had any therapy before? What are you doing (if anything) to manage your anxiety? Hopefully I can suggest helpful things

Thank you for sharing, I massively appreciate it. Sometimes it's just useful to know you aren't the only sad mum.

I'm not sure where to start about what the problem is ! But maybe a little like you, I had a v traumatic birth / nicu stay / didn't see or hold my DD until nearly 24 hours after birth (this has felt like the defining moment for me in terms of everything going wrong). She has a speech delay which I am really struggling with (there were problems with her development when I was pregnant too). So I suppose I feel like physically, emotionally, viscerally I have damaged her and so she is delayed.

I think, probably? I had some undiagnosed post partum psychosis based on what I experienced (in terms of thoughts and behaviours - altho to be clear I never harmed by child, just a lot of very weird anxious behaviours). I have not felt genuine joy or happiness since she was born. And I feel like o have irreparably damaged her by this all, so even if I could magic it all away it would still be broken?

I take medication. I do do some therapy. I take freezing cold showers (!) I run until my legs hurt because it stops my brain for a second.

Sorry. That's a lot!

Mum of 3 DC here, just gone back onto ADs for the third time since my kids were born. There are so many of us in this club. We’re all here and rooting for you.

 @TreeHuggerMum1 thank you. Sometimes it's just useful to know it isn't just me being mad (I'm reclaiming the word for myself) and sad while trying to parent a toddler.

Oh trust me OP, you aren’t the only mum who struggles don’t worry.

I think it’s difficult to parent and connect with your child when you have a difficult birth. With DD (2 year old), I lost a lot of blood and had a spinal puncture caused by an anaesthetist when trying to do an epidural. I couldn’t move my neck and head, had double vision and loads of other things. I ended up having three procedures and had to learn how to walk properly! DD lost a lot of weight because no one helped me breastfeed her in the hospital. I couldn’t connect with her, I spent a lot of time without her and we didn’t get a chance to bond. That really does have an impact on the relationship with your child.

I had nightmares and intrusive thoughts until I had CBT. Then DS came along, full term and had no issues until he was admitted into NICU. He has a severe disability with a very huge care team. My 2 year old DD is Autistic and non verbal. Also behind developmentally in quite a few areas.

I’m telling a brief view of my story just so you know that I completely understand you. I can understand feeling like you’ve caused some issues and always wondering if you could have done anything different when they were growing up. What sort of therapy do you do? I found CBT to be wayyy helpful then standard talking therapy. I liked that CBT gave you the tools to fix the issues that you had going on.

Have you thought about going to the GP and maybe upping your dose if that’s something you’re interested in? Or you may need to potentially decrease it if you’re feeling numb and haven’t experienced joy. I’m not sure what the answer is but you can always PM me! I’m here to listen x

@PinkMoscatoLover would that be ok (re the PM?)

I'm hoping to switch some medication next week. But coming off current med has sent me peculiar (even more so).

I can't have another child, and I do wonder if a hysterectomy / HRT might help (I have bad endometriosis, and clearly very affected by my hormones - eg I wonder whether there is an element of PMDD in here)

Yes ofc pls message me! My responses can be quite rubbish having two toddlers but I’ll always respond back:) I feel like we can probably relate quite a bit. Message whenever you’re ready x