Hi,
Well i'm sat here needing some good advice, which i've never asked for on a site like this and thankyou in advance.
I have 3 amazing children with my ex husband who are now 17, 15 and 14. They are all doing really well and not been affected by this so far but i fear they may be if i don't change my relationship with my toxic parents.
I have always been very independant and worked my whole life to support myself and children until recently i started a new job. All was going very well, i was enjoying the role and new people until i found out from my boss that my mother had been talking to her about my mental health without my permission!
She outright still now lies that she did! I lost my job in the process as they said i needed to seek some help which i already have had for 11 years for ptsd and anxiety. I take medication that means i cant drive which i always feel guilty about for some reason.
So low and behold one day sat contemplating what to do i had a team of mental health professionals at my door saying they wanted to assess me in hospital. They said my mother had called them, i already have a private counsellor to help with my symptoms which was caused by a crime incident in the year 2012.
Again to this day she denies ringing them! I suffered some financial problems and asked for a small amount to help me by due to the job loss and my father and mother screamed and shouted down the phone to only talk to my Doctors and go away and ruin someone elses day! When the job loss was there fault in the first place! Ive never asked them for any help whatsoever!
Then i learn my mother has been trying to talk about me to my eldest 2 children, both girls who are extremely independent and empathetic loving kids they told me what she had been saying. That i will only claim benefits to spend on myself! I feel like my life has been totally sabotaged in many ways!
It seems she has some kind of control issue and has continuously been ringing recently and I don't know what to do or say, who on earth forgives something like that? Ive lived with my parents toxic manipulative behaviour for years and steered clear of them as much as possible. Ive always let my children have access to their grandparents. I think ive been too nice for too long this time!
The worst part is that whilst in hospital for a few days my father and mother took it upon themselves to ask my eldest daughter for a key and entered my home and snooped about! He's never visited me in 4 and a half years! I cant fathom that he doesn't realise how deceitful that was!
Now of course they are holding the small amount against me and can pay them back in November, it all seems like this was a planned attack against me.
Meanwhile my continued anxiety is obviously caused mainly by this relationship, if i try to remove myself from this im pretty sure it will get ugly again.
Any thoughts? Am i causing this myself?
Thanks