Really struggling, this is not like me. I'm at breaking point

[QueeniePlumtree]

Hi all,

I started working for a company under a year ago, after successfully being interviewed following recommendations from some previous colleagues I'd worked with at my then job of over
10 years. We had been acquired and they'd been made redundant a number of months earlier. I was feeling ready for a new adventure and was sold in this new exciting venture.

Roll forward and it's been the most chaotic and stressful work experience of my life.

The MD is a very hot headed person (understatement).Its a fairly new tech start up, with financial backers and there is no organisation. A handful of contracted staff who are treated poorly, and obviously in states of stress (often admitted in leadership meetings or team catch ups when MD is not around, people in tears, not sleeping/eating etc)

There was no training, no documentation, it was a learn on the job, which I gulped and accepted as feeling I couldn't turn back at the time (personal issues)

My responsibilities are now ridiculous and being piled on day by day. We've won a massive contract, it's huge and lucrative (we currently don't have one particularly happy customer, but I smooth over everything I can and they've come to just appreciate my honesty and the situation but conversations are tough!)

We haven't developed most of the features they believe we have yet and now I've been thrown a massive gauntlet. I don't know where to start, I don't have a team to work with. It's just me siloed out on my own. I don't have any details to go on (it's for onboarding and rolling out a training plan across many sites, UK and overseas including all on site and back office training for teams for several different software and customer platforms).

Plus all the other responsibilities I have that are ever mounting and huge. I can't have a realistic calm conversation as said MD just blows up. We don't have basic product documentation, support teams, support desks. I'm just expected to magic this up and put it all together alone.

I'm so overwhelmed. I feel like I cannot continue. It's starting to really affect my MH and wellbeing, which is not something I usually struggle with. There is HR or anyone else senior to talk too. I don't enjoy it at all. I've recently found out I'm pregnant too and have had an early scan which is not showing the dates I thought. I've suffered late babyloss in the last 14 months and miscarriages previous, so this alone is overwhelming.

My head cannot take all of this I'm feeling so low and I don't know where to turn.

The confident, happy, bright, very strong me is lost and I don't seem to be able to pull her back! I need advice.

Thanks if you read this far! ❤️

I've been there OP and no job is worth your health mental or physical.

Is there any way you can put a plan together to buy in whatever support and expertise is needed for what you need to deliver and take that to your boss? You could tell him you will be resigning if the support isn't forthcoming because what they are asking of you simply cannot be done.

It is risky as they might say no but if your finances can stand it it sounds like you need to get out of there.

It’s giving me secondhand anxiety just reading what you’re supposed to do. You’re having a very very healthy and normal reaction.

You need a (sick) day off. On that day off, think about what exactly you need in terms of people and support. Break it down. Then write it up and send to the MD. They’ll blow up and tell you it’s not possible. You can tell them it’s not possible for you to deliver without support - what CAN they offer? If it’s not enough, quit. You’ll get shitty maternity options regardless, do not stay for that.

Big unMN ((hug)) to you.

Thanks both!! I really know I need to do this, but it's got that bad I'm struggling putting those thoughts onto paper.

If I had colleagues to bounce ideas off I know I'd have the energy to put this to MD!

I'm just so far down this rabbit hole. 😭😭

I think unfortunately if you have crap leadership and poor work processes all around things are not going to improve.

Your mental health is just going to keep being affected.

I would take some time off sick to recover if you are really struggling and us that to find yourself a new job.

Sounds like you need out from that job. If you do approach the MD I find people are better with solutions rather than problems alone. Generally people who are aggressive I found I had to stand up to them or I got bullied but it's not pleasant.

You are all right, I know.

I've done the whole let's discuss ''solutions" before and actually recruiting the correct staff to help (which was one of my agreed goals originally) is not a healthy solution, neither is dropping anything from his priority list that is not a priority.

Anybody any ideas of how to practically and confidently put forward solutions.

Honestly my mind is so out of whack, I'm struggling with where to begin!

Why is "recruiting the correct staff to help" not a solution? Is it because it takes too long? If so you need a consultancy with resource available at short notice.

I agree you need to present solutions not problems so:

1. set out the challenge - what needs doing and when 2. who / what do you need to do it (no. of people, no. of days or weeks work) and then 3. where do you get them - find the agencies or consultancies that do the right kind of work.

Recruitment of permanent roles takes loads of time both at the front end and then waiting for people to serve notice etc. Sounds like you need fast temp support.

Oh I completely agree, but nothing has been forthcoming recruitment wise in nearly a year.

I'm so sick of talking about it with the MD. It's not just my 'department' although that is just, me, myself and I. But others, and because there's no bloody resource anywhere this pickle gets stickier until you feel you can't breathe! Literally drowning.

I'm just out of ideas or ways to present everything that he assumes will get done and then just piles more and more on top. And what's being thrown in top is just ridiculous on it's own!

Eugh

The way forward is, IMO, to accept you can't improve this toxic workplace, protect yourself, and find another job.

Stop trying to fix things, do only what is necessary to stop yourself getting fired and focus all available energy on getting a new role.

I'm just out of ideas or ways to present everything that he assumes will get done and then just piles more and more on top.

You have to send a short, blunt and to the point email saying this.

Dear MD - my workload is unachievable without extra resource. I have identified X and Y that can address this. We need to act fast to either a) onboard some new staff or b) outsource projects or we will not meet our deliverables. Please could you review the attached so we can discuss urgently.