Told to call Samaritans…

[Idontknowwhattowrite123]

Because I literally have nobody to talk to in real life who I can talk to without judgement or telling me to do things I just can’t do right now. I opened up to someone last night about how I was feeling, this is a family member who I should be able to trust yes?? This person told me I can talk to them about anything, yet this morning, I found out that person told someone else and the person they told then told someone else, who has now told me they know about it!!! I called my GP crying, asking to speak to my mental health advisor, which I was told I can’t do until the 25th October, so to call Samaritans! I told them I’m not cracking up or anything, I’m not suicidal or anything, I just need to get some things off my mind that isn’t going to be passed on to everyone else!! Just need to rant, sorry!! But ffs, why can’t I find someone who can just be loyal to me for once? Seriously? Does nobody give a shit anymore??

its a shame you don’t have anyone close to talk to in confidence, but that is exactly the role of Samaritans

I get that, but I can imagine they have a lot more serious cases to deal with. I don’t want to waste their time when they could be dealing with someone in direct danger.

No that’s not the case at all. They are there for anyone and everyone

Surely your mental health advisor will have very unwell people they need to deal with too.

Better to phone the Samaritans if you just need to talk.

Yes I understand that… That’s not all my post was about… I thought they may at least say I could arrange to speak to a GP or something in the meantime, but that was just a very small part of my post.

Talk on here, get it out. If not public pm. I've had a little of support on here x

Your confidant is obviously an arsehole. Sorry you had that experience- it's the last thing you need. Talk to someone anonymously on here it might help? Mental health services /gp appointments are shocking now in this country. I find mumsnet/the cat if more help tbh.

People waste the time of Samaritans all the live long day (mainly gross men wanking down the phone) so you, a genuine caller, wouldn’t be wasting their time at all.

That’s really shitty. So sorry this has happened. It’s a them thing, not a you thing.

Defo get the stuff off your chest here if you don’t feel that would be too outing.

Also defo call Samaritans - they’re there for everyone and anyone. I’ve called them in the past. You don’t have to be in crisis to call them.

edit: typo

This is what I sat and wrote at 3am this morning, before I even found out about the family member betraying my trust, yet again, so it’s not all completely related to that, just to how I’ve been feeling lately. I keep thinking about posting it on Facebook, then realising i don’t want to be that person who rants on there and it isn’t the right platform to do that, I just want the people who have hurt me to know how they have made me feel, so here goes below -

I haven’t posted anything this personal, what probably comes across as childish or depressing in a very, very long time. I genuinely try to stay happy and focused on the good things in life. I really don’t expect, care or want any comments, but this is something I have needed to get off of my chest for quite sometime. I just want it known that if you can’t see the good in me any more or my worth, that’s absolutely fine with me now. I’ve had enough of the genuine torture I’ve felt of being let down, being the bottom of the priority list and being the one that makes all the effort and cares for others. I’ve always gone out of my way, above and beyond, for those I thought deserved my time and love, but I’m sick of people thinking they can just pick me up and drop me when they want to. When does anyone really support me and listen to what I need? It’s become very clear over this last year, longer than that actually, who genuinely cares about me and who doesn’t. Turns out there are alot more people that don’t care than do. This isn’t even just about ‘friends’ but family members too who I thought I could trust with sharing how I felt with. Ive finally snapped and come to the end of my fuse with it, so I won’t be making any more effort. Facebook is incredibly bad for the soul at times, but it certainly does help to show you who is genuine and who isn’t. Please don’t reply to this, please don’t like, care, love, wow or tap the crying emoji, or message me to ask if I’m ok, as I won’t be replying. If you cared about if I’m ok, you would have already asked. I won’t be talking about it, as I’m sure I will be made out to be the bad person as always for daring to speak my mind. I’m just done. People have made me doubt myself time and time again. I’ve been made to feel like I’m constantly in the wrong when I try to speak my mind, like everyone does to me. You’ve made me think I’m some kind of terrible person that nobody wants to know or be around, but I’ve come to realise it isn’t me, it’s you, time and time and time again. So I’m out, I’m done. If you think this is about you personally, yeah it probably is and you’re guilty of contributing to the way I feel, but I’m past the point of caring what you think. Why should I keep protecting peoples feelings who don’t try to protect mine. I keep seeing the quote “people always notice when your behaviour towards them change, but don’t notice their behaviour towards you that made you change” and it couldn’t be more true. Before anyone tries to blast me or rolls you eyes at this, just remember, I care about other people, probably a bit too much and I have always, always tried to be there for people, but when was the last time you were truly there for me? I pride myself on doing little things to put smiles on other peoples faces, but I genuinely can’t remember the last time anyone did anything to try and put a smile on mine. I don’t really know what I’ve done to deserve the lack of respect I’ve been given.

I can see that was written for people you’re connected on Facebook with but hopefully posting it on here has allowed you to get it sent into the ether without the people who know you from knowing it’s you.

How do you feel now you’ve written and sent it here?

Similar thing has happened to me more than once in the distant past and again recently.

The Samaritans have probably saved me twice now. They're there for a reason.

Could you pay privately for some counselling? It's what I've had to do after waiting years for NHS mental health treatment and then being discharged without any support because I couldn't open up to the female psychologist. I'd told her previously that I struggled with trusting women.

But anyway I paid privately for a counsellor who uses a sliding scale for payments depending on income and its honestly been life changing to have someone who is invariably supportive and on my side. I get to offload once a week and know for sure that it will go no further.