This has to stop

[WorkingAsAwaitressInAcocktailBar]

Okay. Name changed for this. Regular poster so not a troll for sure.

I suffer with anxiety. Debilitating anxiety disorder for years. It is crippling and centres around my family and their safety. I give no shits about me.

I also have OCD tendencies, emetephobia, occasion self harm and think I may at times have a bit of an issue with alcohol. I am lucky in that I don’t drink daily or even weekly - but when I do drink, I manage to hide it from people and do it sneakily in the house away from everyone. I know. Not a good look or idea.
I don’t work anymore. I haven’t for years. I ended up going on sick in my last role because I just had extreme panic attacks and anxiety whilst at work so my Dr signed me
off on long term sick. I left that job and haven’t worked since.

I have three children and my days are kept busy getting things ready for them, housework etc. But that’s on the good days. Bad days I can only spend in bed.

I’ve been down the IAPT route with my Dr. Had a horrendous experience: two therapists, online / telephone each time and bloody awful. So so unprofessional. Complaints made and apologises issued from management for their actions and conduct etc so not a good experience of that.
Private CBT was not good either. Hated it so gave that up. Found them to be a bit patronising and it made me feel uncomfortable.
My Drs were great for a long time. Regular calls - weekly with the same Dr. Medication prescribed ( various SSRs etc). I can never take anything for long periods though due to the emetephobia and I start to panic about being sick and side effects so that’s a constant struggle to even take the medication.

Now the calls have stopped . Five months now they’ve not rang . They’ve left me to it. Or so it feels.
CMHT have been involved: fobbed them off at assessments that all was okay. They discharged me .

So it is pretty much just me. And I am writing this post as I am not sure where to go from here. I struggle hugely in the winter months especially and that too is not so far away.

Can anyone please give me any advice or suggestions as to how to help myself. This is honestly so lonely and horrendous.

When did the anxiety start and what was the cause/s?

@WorkingAsAwaitressInAcocktailBar you are not alone. You will see us regulats struggling just like you with mainly identical problems. We're all here for you so pm any time x

I just want to say that this is treatable with medication if you can get over the sickness and nausea fear. But I don’t think most antidepressants are very good for it. I had severe anxiety and panic attacks for about 14 years. It was awful, I think it was PTSD. I never thought I would be okay again. But it came to a head and I ended up having a nervous breakdown and finally got help from a psychiatrist. Because of the nature of my breakdown I was prescribed antipsychotics and although I don’t have those specific symptoms anymore I still use them because they are so good for stress and anxiety. They can be prescribed off label for no psychotic symptoms. I’ve never felt sick on them like I did with some antidepressants. This won’t last your whole life you will get through it one way or another

im sorry I can’t offer any help I just wanted you to know you’re not alone in mental suffering. I was told I couldn’t have children a few years ago and was so upset. I’ve miraculously become pregnant and you’d think I’d be over the moon but my mental health has deteriorated every since being pregnant and I’ve tried everything, cbt, counselling, hypnotherapy, exercise, medication and I just get worse everyday to the point I think I now have to get a termination next week 😥 mental health is the worst