Have you found Mumsnet support in Real Life?

[ItllBeLonelymumThisChristmas]

Hello, yes, sorry, it's Lonelymum back on for another misery moan. Christmas is supposed to be a happy time, but anyway...

I was wondering if you had found Mumsnet-like support anywhere in real life. I know Mners are wonderful, kind, caring, good listeners, etc, and you have helped me make decisions in my life, but I feel acutely that I would love to find some similar support in real life. I keep thinking about talking to a priest, but I don't find the priest at my local church the right sort of person. I am awaiting therapy for my major problem, but I don't know when that will come or if I will find the therapist sympathetic. Has anyone a positive story to make me feel more hopeful about how you found lasting, real support in your lives, or would you not be on Mumsnet if that were the case?

Today seems very dark and I would love to read your happy stories.

I'd love to be able to write something inspiring, but the sad truth is I have not found support like this in Real Life. When DS1 was being assessed, I actually burst into tears in front of my GP and she started banging on about giving me anti-depressants, but fortunately didn't push it when I told her I was not interested. I found mumsnet shortly after that and have never looked back! I suppose I just haven't looked for anything like this in Real Life since.

Thanks. The way I feel right now, I read all those sad stories on Mumsnet and just cry to think there are people out there with all those problems and no-one to turn to but a group of anonymous mums. There seem to be so many sad, worried, lonely, scared, stressed people and I can't do anything to help them, and you can't do anything to help me. Where has society gone wrong?

Oh, LonelyMum, hugs to you this morning.
Dinosaur and HausFrau both have a very good point about the very nature of Mumsnet meaning that you can be really honest and at the same time anonymous on here, and thus get the kind of spontaneous, "no-agenda", "no-judging" sympathy you don't often get in Real Life.
I could NOT talk about my stillbirth in quite the same way to anyone else, except the Bereavement Midwife and the Bereavement Counsellor I saw. Friends at a SANDS Group were also very like a RL Mumsnet scenario.
The other thing I'd like to say is that some of the best friends I have in RL now, I made through Mumsnet initially. Are you in touch with any RL Mumsnetters?
So yes, it does exist, but it's harder to find without that Mumsnet connection!
And, if I can suggest something else...you mention your priest not really being on your wavelength. How about other parishioners? We experienced such kindness from people we knew through church, some were just acquaintances at that time, and have become good friends.
My therapist was wonderful by the way and I so hope for this kind of support for you.

I dont know where its all gone wrong Lonelymum, but just imagine how much bleaker it would be without MN...the sad storys on MN, the moment they have been typed and posted lift a burden from the posters shoulders, so just by reading it and posting you are helping.
Big Hugs xx
Another no to such support in RL

Happy story, my dd's are currently dancing around with umbrellas pretending they are frogs.

I havent found a support network anywhere like mumsnet in RL. I have joined a DCM support group and they are excellant, but again its internet based. TBH i dont think i'd have time in my life to attend a support group. at least with MN its there when you need it, day or night.

I was horrified when I went to my church a few weeks ago. The congregation consisted entirely of people over the age of 50 apart from one couple with their two children whom I already know. I spoke to her about it later and she said it was always like that. I am not ageist or anything, but I was hoping to meet some other families or some middle aged people. There does not seem to be a mother's group or anything for people my age. I remember the groups there were when I was a student which I didn't particularly avail myself of then, but I knew existed. I remember a charismatic priest from my student years once saying we should feel for students as, far from being carefree years, those years were beset by worries and uncertainties. I didn't realise that when I got to my late 30's with a husband and children, I would still feel the same way.

I think fundamentally you are right in saying that Mumsnet, because it is anonymous, allows us to be more open and honest than we could be in real life. The trouble is, I have a deep-seated need to have these on-line discussions in real life.

Sorry, rambling away now.

Out of curiosity, what does SANDS and DCM stand for?

SANDS is Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society, LonelyMum - I needed a lot of support and counselling after I had a stillborn son in 2002.
I'm so sorry you felt church was a non-starter...but...the best support we got in our time of need was from a 20 year old and her parents, in their late 50s.
I think the specific nature of our problem meant that a lot of people in RL our age with children of similar ages felt spooked and uncomfortable with what happened to us and withdrew, mistakenly thinking we would not want to see them pregnant/with newborns etc.
I doubt whether this applies to you, but you still may find great kindness and interest from people who are very different ages from you. I certainly hope so. And I hope your counselling appointment comes through soon, it transformed how I coped with life week to week.

Hi lonelymum I'm going to cat you with my paris stories xxxx

Are you still going for new year ?

Sorry to hear you feel so low, especially at this time of year.

I do have MN-type support in real life - from girls I met at NCT classes when pg with ds1. One particular person from the original group has become my best friend and we say anything we like to each other (iykwim!). Through that group and a postnatal group, people splintered off and formed our own group so I've got a nice network of say around 6 people that I see regularly and we all support each other through the different things all our kids go through.

I realise I'm incredibly lucky. I joined the NCT classes solely to make friends so I'd have people to meet while on maternity leave but I had no idea they would become such amazing and close friends and still be so this far down the line (nearly 4 yrs now). It's also just luck whether you meet someone you 'click' with. Although we all support each other, there is only one that I really 100% gel with and we are so very similar in 100's of ways.

Have you not met people through your children that you could meet with regularly.

I know it's really hard but I think it's just a case of getting out there and meeting people and when you feel comfortable, invite them round. I think you always feel more comfortable and open in your own home or visiting someone's house.

Hugs to you xxx

Hi LOnelymum, so sorry you are feeling this way just now. I also have found no support in real life. I really hope you will find your thearapist of some help and hope you dont have much longer to wait for an appointment to come through.
In the meantime you know where we all are, and keep posting as it really does help to get it all out in the open. Feel free to CAT me anytime, as I can understand a lot of what you are going through.
Take care, thinking of you {{{{{hugs}}}}}} xx

DCM, dilated cardiomyopathy, (dh heart problem) CMA, cardiomyopathy association.

I often feel like wandering into church to offload, but find it takes courage to make the step into the door.

I wish I'd known about MN in my dark days when dd had just been born, and ds was at his worst behaviour-wise. I've gradually got to know more people in the area, and have a few very close friends that I share laughs and tears with, and would be lost without them. It's taken 7 years though to get to this point though.

Awaiting your CAT eagerly Birdsong. Yes we are still going at New Year. What a moaner I am to be feeling like this when I have such a treat in store, I have never experienced so much as a miscarriage let alone a still born baby, and my husband is not suffering heart problems. But, as we all know, feeling low often has precious little to do with our circumstances in life.

I feel I am going to crack if I don't find someone to listen to me.

Stop describing yourself as a moaner, LonelyMum . If your circumstances, whatever they are, are getting you down, then they are serious full stop and you are entitled to be heard and sympathised with and given e-hugs and support. There is no league table of who is worthier of support on here, hon! We're all here for each other.
And just because you have a lovely trip to Paris in the offing does not mean you have to stop feeling down now. I do hope you have a great time, you deserve it. Going to go ice-skating on the level one rink on the Eiffel Tower?

That is not in the guide books MNP! Not sure what we are going to do as the guide book says everything closes for Bank Holidays and we are only there from the 31st - 2nd.

It's a new thingy, just opened. Sounds gorgeous. Hope you manage to find some open attractions.

So do I! Four kids, a dh ignorant of any languages (even his own) and my French abandoned 23 years ago. It's going to be fun if everything is shut!

I don't think everything closes - I was there for New Year a few years back, and most things were open. Paris is a wonderful city, and it's just so lovely to wander around it, and sit in the cafe's watching the world go by. It doesn't really matter if nothing's open - you'll have a fabulous time. Just wrap up warm!