What would you work on first ?!

[username0202]

I had recent breakup a month ago, relationship was 3 years. I was due to go back to work after 6 months off after another miscarriage. And also I signed up for a course too and then my friend asked me to go on a little holiday next week with her. My anxiety is through the roof, I started my course and after one day decided not to return, I've gone back to work as I have too due to finances. I don't want to go away tbh as it's just another thing I don't really want to do.

My ex has come bk on the scene too. Apologising sayin he will change and wanting to try again. I've told him I need to work on me for now.

Since all of this I have realised that I have chronic anxiety. I have physical symptoms mainly vision and lightheadedness.
I've suffered anxiety had a full blown breakdown 2 years ago, thought I had recovered but with all this stress in such a short period of time I've become exhausted emotionally and physically and I am currently having a setback of anxiety symptoms which I know through my experience will pass when I accept them and not fear them through an amazing book I read years ago. This time I've also realised I don't like myself or even love myself in any way shape or form.

I want to heal my self, inside and out and I'm not sure whether to try to concentrate on loving myself or helping to accept my anxiety. My brain unfortunately cannot cope with all at once.
if this was you WWYD?
Also sending love to anyone going through anxiety or any type of pain

I've also realised I don't like myself or even love myself in any way shape or form.

Working on this is a good place to start. You'll only heal if you are invested in yourself.

Yes @Eyesopenwideawake thanks so much I was thinking the same xx

As you stated you cannot cope with all at once. Meds will help contain ruminative thoughts that so you don't get overwhelmed with everything but gradually take one thing at a time. You don't need to solve everything, just things that are important yet manageable.

It helps if you approve of yourself now, not in 5 months or five years. Look at you, you are trying to help yourself on MN asking for advice/support. That is a lot even though it doesn't seem like it right now x

How’s your self talk op? If you are used to talking to yourself in very negative ways, that could be a really good place to start. Changing this pattern could help a lot.

try this article to start with:
https://psychlibrary.co.uk/?p=5646

I'm afraid I've no wise advice to offer but I want to say that you sound like a very thoughtful and sensible person who is trying their very best to overcome considerable difficulties in their life.
Hope all goes well for you

I understand it feels overwhelming. A month after a big break up its ok to not feel ok.
Have you done counselling/therapy before? It might be a good place to get you focused on how to implement strategies to help. I know NHS is tricky and private is super expensive, how about online services like betterhelp?

I'm already on 150mg sertraline. & not
Sure if it's working properly. I've had counselling through work but I may have a look into private if I can afford it.
Thanks to everyone who reaching out. It means so much.
Oh and @thecatinthetwat my self talk is horrendous, zero self esteem.

I know the anxiety is going
To be there with me anyway so I might aswell work on myself in the meantime. ❤️