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Mental health

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Original poster

Autistic Parents How do you cope??

16 replies

benoticanarsed · 16/09/2023 16:43

Mine are 11 and 13 but when I say I can't cope / I've had enough etc they think I'm being dramatic and find it funny.

What words can I use?

I'm know people will probably ask what I expected but I was 35 when I was diagnosed. Had children at 26.

OP posts:

Earhell · 16/09/2023 16:47

Its really very tough being a parent and autistic.
Can you break down exactly where your sticking point is? Mine is constant company and auditory noise. I take steps to mitigate that. It's still a challenge but mostly ok

Original poster

benoticanarsed · 16/09/2023 16:50

They laugh at me. They don't listen. They fight. When I say I've had enough they make a comment. They want their friends over tonight. I'm the parent I shouldn't be upset that they are having people over but they think I'm being unfair and they say they are coming over.

OP posts:

Original poster

benoticanarsed · 16/09/2023 16:50

Thank you for replying

OP posts:

tothelefttotheleft · 16/09/2023 17:21

I'm not autistic but both my children are. Wanted to say that up front. So you take what I say at face value.

Do you think your children are also autistic? I ask because when one of my children is told something serious there reaction is to smile and laugh. I was told I could die and their reaction was to laugh.

Phineyj · 16/09/2023 17:25

I have that with my autistic child too. She doesn't lack empathy exactly but she certainly struggles to express it in a usual way.

It's OK not to have people over though OP. You're the boss!

As I say to my A-level students sometimes, "You seem to have confused this with a democracy." 😁

TomatoSandwiches · 16/09/2023 17:28

When they have their own house and pay the bills they can have all the sleepovers they like until then you are the one who gets to say yes or no.

Singleandproud · 16/09/2023 17:33

DD is autistic, (I am not as far as I know) she pretty much lives in her noise cancelling headphones when things get too much.

It's your home, your DC don't get to dictate what happens in it, you do. They are very rude if you told them their friends can't come over and they laughed at you, I definitely wouldn't allow the friends around after that.

If you would like your DC to have friends around in future but not inside your house do you have any outside space that you could install a teen den, even if it's a shed with blankets and fairy lights to keep them out the way?

You could explain that you are autistic to another of the parents and offer to cover some of the costs for them hosting for you. DD doesn't like people in her space so they all tend to pile around another friends house, occasionally I'll pop a £25 tesco gift card into a thank you card to cover some of the food costs of hosting teens.

Original poster

benoticanarsed · 17/09/2023 10:33

Hi thank you all. Dd13 has been assessed. No diagnosis. Dd11 has been on the waiting list for 2 years.

How can I explain to them that I've reached my limit and need 10-15 minutes without looking like I'm being dramatic. Or is this impossible as they are pre teen / teen so whatever I say will make me look like an idiot?

OP posts:

Phineyj · 17/09/2023 11:31

Don't explain. They'll be perfectly safe. Just lock yourself in somewhere for 10-15 minutes. I use my home office! Or they're old enough that you could go out for a quick walk?

Phineyj · 17/09/2023 11:32

My best friend refers to it as "an angry walk in the forest". She actually lives near a forest, but I find an angry walk to Tesco Metro works perfectly well :).

Original poster

benoticanarsed · 17/09/2023 11:37

I don't really leave the house though so if I said I was going out they would think I was being even more crazy x

OP posts:

Original poster

benoticanarsed · 17/09/2023 11:37

Yesterday I went into the bathroom. Put the toilet seat down but sat on it with the shower on. They kept banging on the door.

OP posts:

Postapocalypticcowgirl · 17/09/2023 11:49

Is their father in the picture at all?

At 11 and 13 if you're in the shower (or they think you're in the shower), they can surely manage not to interrupt? I think most NT parents would also find that extremely irritating, although may be able to cope with it better.

Possibly some ground rules are needed (e.g. don't interupt you in the shower unless the house is on fire) and enforce them if you need to?

Original poster

benoticanarsed · 17/09/2023 11:51

Yes dad lives here but works away lots. They are better when he's here. He's another than thinks I'm on the "not that bad" scale. I've said it's not a line with very Bad, not bad at all!!

They have no respect for me. I hate talking and noise never mind two mouthy girls. I've said they remind me of the girls at school.

OP posts:

Phineyj · 17/09/2023 12:44

Wait, you don't leave the house? You don't work, go to the shops, take them anywhere? So do they take themselves to school and back and then just sit around at home unless your husband is there?

There seems to be quite a lot to unpick here. No wonder you're all in each other's faces if you're in all the time.

User23452 · 17/09/2023 13:02

Yes I’m unsure whether the main issue here is the autistic parenting or undiagnosed and unsupported mh issues. I’ve got two autistic dd who don’t listen at times, can be aggressive and I do take myself out, hide in the bath, escape people by reading etc when I need time out.

but I may be luckier than you in that my kids rarely want to have people round and they don’t want to do many activities - so we are all aligned most of the time.

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