Life after selective mutism

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I was wondering if other people who have been selective mute at some point consider it might have affected them later in life.

Between about age 5 and 10, I didn't talk at school (other official places as well). I said something, the sound of my voice startled and disgusted me, so I went quiet, and just stayed quiet! I did however, still join in with games etc. I'd whisper to friends, but not to teachers.
I eventually stopped being "quiet" after intense intimidation / aggression from a teacher some years later.

At secondary school I was bullied a bit and didn't have the confidence or knowledge to respond. My friends were a random bunch who accepted me, but not the type of people my parents would have picked.

Throughout life I have never really lived up to my potential. I was in top sets, but didn't get predicted grades, dropped out of college as it was too hard, have had jobs, but never a meaningful ones or a career. I wonder if it's to do with people skills, and whether I lack these due to being "quiet" as a child.

I also don't have a friend which is in part due to life circumstances, but also as I can't make the jump between light chat and whatever is supposed to happen next.

Would love to hear other people's experiences, as apparently 1% of population are selective mute (so I read).

Hi. I have had a very similar experience to you growing up. I have now realised that I am likely ASD, both my children are diagnosed, and I am now on the waiting list to get a diagnosis.

I am still the quiet one, still struggle with selective mutism, and conversation, but I have found that as I get older and understand myself more, I am more OK with it.

I think there is often a lack of understanding from other people of the communication difficulties people with ASD or selective mutism have, that makes it so much harder.

I think cause and effect are probably muddled up. Your mutism likely has a cause which is about social interaction. The same cause that's an issue with social interaction now.

ASD, ADHD and other neurodiversities and MH/PD/trauma are all widely misdiagnosed or not diagnosed in girls and women. Is it worth a chat with a psychologist?

I don't know what I had as I don't think I ever got a diagnosis/told what I had.
I was always the quite shy one who never started conversations and would go all day at school without talking. I was always over emotional too so don't know if that had something to do with it at home. I was okish but everyone would always talk for me, so I never bothered to talk for myself. I just figured everyone would do it for me I had some sort of learning disorder (as there was always a helper teacher in the classroom with me and I was always in the lower classes but never said an actual diagnosisname just i needed more help) but back then there was no real name for it.
I'm a stay at home mum now, and I've had to use my voice for my son many times (he has a range of medical and neurological conditions so lots of appointments with doctors and specialists and therapists), but after that, I do get overwhelmed or so exhausted I need a day to get back to normal.
I had some friends growing up but they somehow just there I just had recess and lunch with them and occasionally played with them after school, but after I finished school, I hadn't heard from them.
I feel very lucky I met my partner he really understands me he sometimes questions why I'm so quiet, but I literally have no answer that's just been me all my life 🤷‍♀️.

I think it would be hard to tell which is the cause and which the effect. In all likelihood whatever caused the initial mutism and the effect of being mute on social development both feed into each other. Was there any cause for the disgust you felt about your voice? Situational mutism is often connected to being Autistic or having ADHD, anxiety or another mental health disorder. The Autistic people I know tend to use the term situational mutism rather than selective as the later can sound like there's an element of choice which there isn't of course. No one choses to be unable to communicate.

I have some situational mutism connected to my anxiety and some trauma. My DD is Autistic and has more situational mutism then I do. She often struggles ro communicate with adults outside our small immediate circle. If she's in pain/sick/hurt/distressed she can't communicate with doctors or teachers. She has situational mutism if seeing people she knows but aren't close to out of context. I have to communicate for her a lot. She's lost some friendships at school over it. It delayed being able to get a medical diagnosis for a condition she had for a long time as the doctors wouldn't believe she was in pain. I can advocate for my daughter, but not for myself.

Your story sounds very similar to a lot I've read/seen from people that have been diagnosed Autistic or with ADHD as adults. I think the reason you became mute might be having a big impact on you still. It might be worth doing some reading around this see if any of it feels familiar. I think I probably have ADD as well as the anxiety and some trauma. It would be nice to know for sure but I don't have the energy or money to pursue it currently

Really nice to hear experiences and opinions from others, thank you!

It didn't have a name when I was young either, I'm 40ish. Apparently my parents were asked at one stage if they thought I was possessed! (only found this out recently) They disengaged with the psychologists, or whoever they, were after that.

I had wondered briefly about ASD as one of my teens is being investigated for this, and my father is likely on the spectrum. However I did a screener online and it came back as highly unlikely.

I have always felt a little anxious about finding my purpose in life, but rarely actively anxious - until recently at least, when much of my hair fell out. Following that I got bad news about my difficult teen (who is not at school). I then had a few days I felt ill / faint, and had to sleep a lot and do as little as possible. I assume this was a physical manifestation of anxiety. Thankfully I'm feeling normal now, despite anxiously waiting for much to unfold.

Sometimes life does appear to be easier for other people - but then I remind myself that everyone else might be thinking the exact same.

I suppose it is hard to identify what is cause and what is effect, and just know how to be more proficient at life really.