Is this just life?

[Anon24]

I don't know how this is going to go or if it will make sense to anyone but here goes!

I have 3 kids, 13,8,6.
Partner have been with for 12 years.

13 year old is obviously the typical teenager, with attitude and backchatting.
8 & 6 are picking up on what the older sibling is doing/saying and starting to copy.

I feel like I am constantly telling them off over something. Eldest hurting younger two, taking tv remotes off of each other, pushing each other on the stairs, going in each others bedrooms after they've been asked not to, shouting at each other, falling out over a game, touching each others stuff etc etc.

We have a tablet/phone block time so they can calm and chill before bed. Younger two go up, read or draw for 30 mins then lights out. Eldest stays up an extra 1-1.5 hours then into bed and reads with nightlight for a little while.

Partner doesn't help when eldest is in one of his moods as partner asks questions constantly, says "I can't remember being like this when I was your age" etc, puts a documentary on TV(because it's 'educational' son won't watch it)! Which then makes his mood worse. He will storm upstairs slam the doors and take it out on the younger two.

I am tired.
I am stressed.
I feel like I am constantly telling the kids off.
I am snappy.
I don't want to do anything.
I have no energy.
I don't want to eat.

Is this just life or something else?

I'm sure others can provide better answers than I can, but what immediately occurs to me is:
1.Your partner isn't "partnering."
2.The hurting behavior should have been stopped long ago.
I'm thinking maybe family counseling?

I feel like this! Except I don't have a partner as I kicked him out for being useless.
Feel like I'm constantly on at the kids (DS12 DD9). I think the bickering is normal, I certainly fought with my sister when I was younger.
The stress and snappyness and exhaustion could be more- I have also been feeling very anxious to the point of feeling unwell lately. Am thinking peri menopause. Have GP appt next week, might be worth it for you too?

I had a chat with DC at around that age. I said that I absolutely hated nagging and shouting and doling out punishments. It is totally against my personality. it makes me very low in mood and upset. But I wouldn't be doing my job as a parent if I just ignored them bickering and shoving and treating each other so badly.

i asked if they enjoyed being shouted at, nagged and sanctioned,. They didn't. So I said, why didn't we try a new approach. If every one of us is considerate of everyone else, then that's five people being nice and kind to you all day long instead of four people being antagonistic and you fighting your corner. I suggested they tried it for a week to see how it felt.

They did make an effort and they enjoyed the results. And it all calmed down for a very long time.

I always used to say: You can stop right now, or you can carry on, be screamed at and sanctioned. Your choice.