Wtf do I have to do to access counselling?!

[Pliades]

I have autism. It’s a lot to cope with. Because it turns out that the reason my life has been shit is not because other people are mean and nasty. It’s not because I’m unlucky. It’s because I have a disability that can’t be fixed.

I just want counselling to help me deal with it. To help me deal with decades of bullying and exclusion and abuse. To help me move on with my life.

The NHS Talking Therapies service told me they had to offer CBT in the first instance. Then when it failed to help I would be able to access counselling.

I’ve told them multiple times that there’s no alternative way to look at this, and there’s no way to think positive. I have autism and the way people bully and exclude me is real. There’s no reframing it. I can’t be coached to consciously change my behaviour - I’m autistic. There’s nothing that CBT can do to help. But I’ve jumped through the hoops like they asked. I’ve wasted six months on this CBT shit because they promised counselling at the end of it. Being told every week that I have to think positive and I’ll feel better if I take up a hobby or something. As if that’s going to help with fucking autism and processing decades of abuse!

I’m finally at the point where the CBT is over and I can finally get some real help. Except now they’ve refused to give me counselling. They want me to have more CBT. Because I disclosed that I have a stomach problem and I’m being referred to hospital for investigations, and I’m scared. Because “that’s anxiety, and the treatment for anxiety is more CBT, not counselling”.

How many more fucking hoops do I have to jump through to access counselling? I just want someone to help me! Actually help me, not just tell me to think positive and reframe my thoughts and get some exercise.

I am distraught. I don’t know what else I have to do to get some help? I’ve done everything they asked for months and months but I still can’t get any counselling? 😭

If you can afford it, it’s better to skip the NHS and pay. The NHS only give you a certain number of sessions anyway which isn’t much use to anyone.

I've been waiting for several years for a referral to therapies via the NHS.

The options are you play their game and jump through their hoops, or pay for therapy.

God knows. I've tried to kill myself twice and still never got any. I had to pay privately which, on minimum wage in a single income home, is not easy.

If youre able to go private I’d strongly advise you to seek autism-informed therapy rather than standard generic ‘counselling’.
When searching for a therapist, ensure you read their blurb & that it mentions autism-informed approaches or neuro-diverse specialisms.

It's absolutely awful trying to get help with any MH issues right now. I've been seeing the MH specialist at my doctors and his advice was to up my dose of Quetiapine & self refer for counselling which I tried only to get told "No" because I have suicidal thoughts and self harm. So now no one is going to help yet again and things will get worse again so the cycle repeats.

Arg! I finally got thru the hoops and got lucky and got 24 sessions which was lifechanging.

I can’t afford private treatment. That’s why I’ve wasted months jumping through hoops with the NHS trying to get counselling. Several times I’ve begged DH to have me sectioned because then I might finally get some counselling. I just want some help to deal with this and be able to function normally.

The Talking Therapies service has listened to me sobbing on the phone, saying I need to talk to someone about decades of being bullied, excluded, beaten, abused and raped because of autism. And they have said “CBT for health anxiety, or nothing”. Because they have decided that the highest priority is to deal with me feeling (legitimately) scared about an upcoming operation on my stomach. Not dealing with 40 years of abuse which is making me depressed and preventing me from functioning. And they are perfectly happy to just discharge a distraught autistic person who is begging for help.

Have you explored what charities in your area offer? Many have free or low cost counselling services. If you are open to online counselling then that might open up more options too.

You have my sympathies OP. I'm also autistic and have had to go through the hoops of CBT which was ridiculous. Strategies on how to feel "more positive" and having to write "positive thoughts" in a journal didn't help me.
I've been told now the wait for any talking therapies is 18-24 months.
I also can't afford to access private counselling. I'm not sure many can when its £60-70 per session.
So whilst sorry I don't have practical advice, I just wanted to say you're not alone in your battle.

I also have the same
i have a huge amount of trauma and bereavement to cope with by my own

every counselling assessment I have say they cannot deal with me cos autism and trauma I apparently need more specialised helps

it is awful I am sorry for all of us ☹️

And yes autism and trauma here too....

We fall through the gaps don't we.

I’m so sorry that others have also found it difficult to access support for their mental health. There really is a significant lack of support. And then they wonder why people do bad things and end up attempting suicide.

Please do not assume you will get therapy is you are sectioned. It's highly likely you will get nothing (certainly not in hospital) as they deem you to be unfit for therapy if you are in crisis (what they mean is that people will 'waste' resources as they cannot focus on the real issues in crisis, but it doesn't mean the therapy isn't hrlpful).
I was supposed to start a group therapy for an eating disorder years ago. The first session was when I was in hospital, but I was dressed and ready to go as it was the thing I had been waiting for. They said I can't go with no explanation, and that was that, zero help.
Hospital is very likely to make you much worse (especially if you have autism). They do not take any personal preferences into account, and you have to go with their rules and ways. They are also horrendous places, often with uncaring and sometimes cruel staff (I now have ptsd in addition to other issues).
Sorry you are going through this. CBT is bullshit for people who have trauma to work through. Some charities do cheaper sessions based on what you can afford, but I doubt they would have the correct expertise.

Is there anything available through charities? I'm not in the UK so can't really help with concrete suggestions. I've heard adverts for better help which I think is aan online service. Autistic twitter is also a source of support and finding your tribe.

CBT is bullshit for people who have trauma to work through
It’s harmful. They tell you you’re catastrophising, you need to reality check, your feelings aren’t valid. They tell you that your reasoning is faulty, and if you correct it your problems will be solved. Essentially CBT is about gaslighting you into believing that your pain isn’t real and it’s your thinking that is distorted.

I can see how CBT might help if your thinking is distorted. But what if your thinking isn’t distorted? What if your problems, experiences and pain are real? Then CBT is just dismissive and invalidating.

I want actual therapy with someone who validates my problems and experiences, and accepts that they’re real. I don’t want to be told that my thinking is wrong any more. That doesn’t work for me. Why do they insist on offering only therapy which invalidates my experiences? Why are they refusing to validate and support me with my very real problems? It’s frustrating.

I think you’re unreasonable here OP. CBT can be great - I’ve tried it several times and it “didn’t work” until I found the right therapist. She changed my life. We then did EMDR as it was diagnosed as a better therapy for me. All NHS. Seen within weeks. I’m discharged now but my therapist will check in every so often.

I dealt with all the bad to get to the good, accepted every advice. Was very honest and I also agreed to ANYTHING. This is why I believe I got it. If I said “no thanks don’t want CBT” I’d be the problem.

OP, I work in a Talking therapy service. It is the case that counselling is not usually a helpful pathway for anxiety, this is what the evidence suggests, but clearly that is not very helpful because your anxiety is reasonable in your case, not an anxiety disorder. What the Talking therapy service might be able to do is to recommend free or low cost non-NHS counselling services in the local area.
But regarding CBT, some CBT therapists are a bit more flexible and holistic. Perhaps you could ask if you could be booked with someone who is trained in more than one modality? Honestly no one should be just telling you your thinking is wrong, if someone does that they are just a bad therapist.

I’m trained in integrative counselling/psychotherapy and also cbt.

Trauma focused is one of the two NICE recommended treatments for ptsd so it’s not accurate to say it’s no good for processing trauma. Although most people who have had trauma don’t have actual ptsd proper.

most people who have had cbt and not got on with it have had ‘low intensity’ cbt which doesn’t involve a longitudinal formulation and is more about challenging thoughts and increasing some activities and reducing others etc.

Proper cbt will absolutely look at the past and the blueprint formed by early experiences and how this shapes how we relate to self, world and others. It can be very helpful.

It’s a very structured type of therapy though and doesn’t always allow for a more meandering exploratory dialogue, which some people want.

@wonderingwall That’s brilliant CBT worked for you but the OP clearly said she’s had months and months of CBT, has tried to engage with it. Sounds like you got lucky with your practitioner - as @MajesticWhine describes, someone with more flexibility and who works with more than one modality.

It’s a very structured type of therapy though and doesn’t always allow for a more meandering exploratory dialogue, which some people want
I want to talk to someone about being raped, because I’ve never told anyone and it deeply affects me. More so as I get older. I want someone to listen to my experiences of sexual abuse, because I’ve never told anyone and my abuser is dead and I have complex feelings about that, and there’s nobody I can tell. I want someone to listen to my teenage experiences of being beaten and bullied, because my mother never listened or cared, just told me to shut up I have a lot of repressed trauma. I want them to help me deal with the fact that even now I still feel afraid of people because I’m scared they’ll hurt me. I can’t even take my child to the park because I’m afraid of being attacked like the school bullies used to attack me. I want support to help me deal with my social isolation and constant rejection, and the effect that has on my mind and well-being. Even as an adult I still get verbal abuse and discrimination, and that makes me afraid to interact with people. And all of this is tied together by autism, because I explained these issues as part of the diagnosis and was told that these things happened to me because I’m autistic.

I don’t see how CBT can help with this? I do have some anxiety, but more in the sense of “everyone hates me and everything I touch turns to shit, so I expect bad things to happen and people to discriminate against me”. This isn’t a wrong belief that CBT can fix - people really do discriminate against me.

OP you’re right. And don’t let anyone gaslight you that CBT is appropriate for this kind of repressed trauma.

Do you have a survivors network group near you?

Cbt is a pointless waste of time for anyone with a proper mental health condition. It’s about a 3 year wait round here for some decent therapy and that’s if you can get to the hospital 25 miles
away at a time of their choosing which will be in the middle of the working day.

I want them to help me deal with the fact that even now I still feel afraid of people because I’m scared they’ll hurt me. I can’t even take my child to the park because I’m afraid of being attacked like the school bullies used to attack me.

CBT can absolutely help with these fears.

There are options available although I agree it's frustrating how little the NHS offers.

Have a look here for one potential option outside the NHS: https://freepsychotherapynetwork.com/find-an-therapist/