My mum is driving me crazy

[Emdalem]

Hello all, a bit of a long one..

My mums husband walked out on her September 2022 after 25 years and ever since my mum has been a mess. He's left her in a lot of debt so when the house sells there will be zero equity. She's never worked and only solely relied on him for money and company. The big house they shared is up for sale like I said but still not sold. My mum has sold all the furniture inside so there's only her bed and the living room/kitchen furniture.
She has no hobbies or interests and no desire to ever work.
Ever since he's left she's been on hunger strike and obviously she's depressed. Last week she was that weak and out of it that we had to call an ambulance. The hospital did blood work and put her on some fluids then discharged her.
I went to her house and offered for her to come and stay with me till she feels a bit better. So far it's been a week and I'm done.
I only have a small two bed house which I rent with my 9 year old son. So the sleeping arrangement is all over the place. I get no peace and quiet and I feel that my home is no longer my home or safe space for me to mentally gather myself. I don't want to live with my mum. She's only 59 and I'm 31 and still have things I want to do in my life like have more kids etc.
Over the week I've fed her and done everything for her. I asked my grandparents for some money towards a sofa bed and they kindly sent me £1000 but I think now I regret that I asked.
It's been a year since he left and she's made no effort to try and regain independence and now she thinks she can live here with me FOREVER.
I tried to suggest that she go home and stay here a few nights a week just for my own sanity and she said she doesn't want to be alone.
When I was 21 and pregnant 10 years ago with my son I got booted out the family home and left to my own devices. So I struggle to sympathise with her.
She can't even use a remote control to the tv, she asks for help constantly to open packets of food. She won't even work something out for herself she just immediately asks for help and I'm finding it very draining. I've never known a human being so incapable mentally and physically of doing anything for herself.
She refuses to drive anymore, so I have to take her everywhere. I am literally her full time carer and I don't want to be! She behave likes a 90 year old woman! I didn't sign up for this and it's not fair on me or my child.
I took her back home today because she said she wanted to get more clothes (even though she never gets out her pyjamas) She started crying (with no tears) saying she can't stay here ever again. There's me rolling my eyes.. I've even offered we go out and have some lunch somewhere and she won't leave the house and expects me to sit and watch daytime tv with her! I'm losing my head! What can I do/say HELP

Hearing how she expects you to be her new partner after kicking you out pregnant at 21 has removed any sympathy I had. Take her home, tell her she needs to grow up and drive off. Look after your child and yourself. Of course you can visit and check up on her, maybe ring her gp or refer her to social services for not coping at home.

She is not your responsibility. She cannot just decide she never wants to work or look after herself and still expect to be taken care of. This is not your burden. You have done more than expected. Do not feel guilty.

I rang social services they referred her to the mental health team and when they called her she said "I'm fine I'm living with my daughter" I said to her why did you say you don't need help!! So frustrating for me

When the house is sold and debts settled can she apply to go into sheltered accommodation? She would have benefits to live on and house repairs etc taken care of. You could visit but continue living your life

Hmmm how frustrating. You need to get rid of her now because she thinks it’s a permanent solution to live with you. Next time you visit her house just leave her there. I know it sounds so harsh but it’s the only way to get rid.

Take her back to her house and tell SS and the MH team that she isn't living with you and that nor will she be under any circumstances.

There's about 50k left (roughly) after debts are settled. Not enough to buy a house and too much in the bank to claim benefits or apply for housing. She's in a sticky situation and with no job, no chance of getting accepted for a mortgage

You need to start saying No. No you can't open the packet, no you can't drive her or find the right channel.

Point her at the kitchen drawer to find scissors, the bus timetable to get herself about. Draw up a rota of tasks. She can do her share of cleaning and cooking, washing, babysitting and shopping.

Then perhaps she will choose to go home.