Mum in hospital with severe anxiety. Any advice for me?

[pharmachameleon]

My DM is in hospital with anxiety and I'm struggling to give her support so would really appreciate any advice.
She has had depression all of her adult life as far as I can remember. She has been on venlafaxine for years for this. As a child this was really tough as she was very difficult to live with some of the time. She would go on two or three day rants about me or my siblings or my dad about our behaviour and basically belittle us non stop, calling us every name under the sun. The most difficult part to deal with was after this huge rant she would 'take herself to bed' And basically stay in her room for about a month not speaking to anyone or buying any food for the house (she was in charge of the bank cards despite not working and my dad working in a factory full time). So we struggled for food while she shut herself away and the general atmosphere in the house was really, really tense and depressing.
Anyway, fast forward to about 10 years ago she left my dad and seems a lot happier. I get on well with her now and she plays a big part in my family's life.
Since Christmas she has became super depressed and by March she was under the care of a CPN. They found she had low sodium so stopped her venlafaxine suddenly, left her with no ADs for a month then started her on mirtazapine with diazepam for anxiety and zopiclone for insomnia. She took mirtazapine for around 4 months but it was clear it wasn't working and her anxiety seemed to be getting out of control. She is fixating on my DB's relationship with his wife which isn't perfect but doesn't really warrant the level of anxiety it seems to be inducing. She has also lost about 2 stones in weight as her anxiety is so bad she can't eat.
She was hospitalised around 2 weeks ago as she said she wasn't suicidal but felt she didn't want to live with the massive anxiety she has. Her sodium was extremely low on admission and the mirtazapine clearly wasn't working so they stopped this and have started pregabalin low dose for anxiety. They hope to increase this soon.
She is not in a good way. She constantly repeats that she scared of always feeling this way and ending up 'doped' up line the other patients on the ward.
Sorry this is so long. I visit her every few days. Sit with her, try and chat. I'm a hospital pharmacist so can explain and understand the medication changes but not sure what else I can do. Any advice?
I explained a bit about my childhood with her as I don't know if I still have a simmering resentment regarding the way we were treated at home. We never speak about this and it's all been seemingly forgotten about.

I'm sorry to hear about your mum. I know nothing about the medication side of things but I suffer from anxiety due to what are now called adverse childhood experiences. Maybe there are similar things in your mum's life which it would help to discuss?

OP, that sounds like it must have been horrible and scary for you as a child. I lived with parents who had periods of depression too and I often felt alone and scared by their moods so I am relating it to my experience. I can understand why you are wondering about your own resentment and advise you to only give your mum as much as you can. In your situation I would listen as much as I can, perhaps support her to access any help she can get, and gently step back into your own life. It sounds really hard though, I am so sorry.

@pharmachameleon I understand my mum was the same and I never understood why we endured her treatment of us. Now I myself have crippling anxiety and have been switched meds various times.
Look after yourself and be kind to yourself.
Your mum is really suffering and sometimes it's so much you would rather disappear than continue on.
Please tell her she's not alone and neither are you. It's not sunny now but it will be.

Sorry to hear about your Mum,it will be torturous for her. Low sodium makes you feel terrible. Usually you’re put on a drip to get levels back up to an acceptable level. Once her sodium is normal she will feel physically improved. Hopefully the other medication will help with anxiety too.
This is probably a wait & see existence.
Her childhood can’t be eradicated. Sadly she will always suffer from anxiety. With the help of medication & counselling the best she can probably hope is to live with the anxiety by try & ‘stay in the day’
Sorry if this post is a bit negative, but it comes from someone who is extremely empathetic with your Mum’s problems. Wishing her freedom from fear.

Thanks everyone. I saw her in hospital today and she's still extremely anxious. She is walking around 25000 steps daily as she can't sit down. She can't sleep at night either despite zopiclone and lorazepam so she must be exhausted.
They low sodium has been ongoing since March but as far as I know there has been no cause found. They stopped venlafaxine and omeprazole but it's still ongoing. She is under the care of a consultant biochemist in hospital so they will be advising. Every time I've spoken to her nurse or CPN they don't know what her sodium levels are, just that they are low.
I think I'll speak to her psychiatrist this week as DM is not that comfortable speaking to doctors. She's old school in that doctors must be obeyed and never questioned whereas I realise it should be more of a discussion type conversation with them. I don't think DM tells the psychiatrist the whole truth about how she is feeling.
Thanks all for advice anyway. I realise there's no quick fix for anxiety.
Oh she's been referred for ?CBT but God knows how long that will take.

Sounds extremely debilitating.
Hypertension drugs also cause low sodium sometimes, especially diuretics. I am sensitive to Candesartan ( another hypertension drug also) as well as nearly all SSRIs.
When I was admitted with low sodium my level was 125 & I felt awful. Has her Cortisol level been checked? Sometimes this affects sodium too.
Good luck speaking to her psychiatrist. They definitely need to get medication sorted.

I think if possible, you need to tell the psychiatrist about her behaviour when you were younger, the rants for days then disappearing into her room for weeks and totally withdrawing. If you don't get a chance to speak to them it could be worth writing it all down.

As someone with bipolar disorder, whose mother had bipolar disorder, I think there's a possibility your DM needs bipolar medication to settle her down. This sort of agitation is common during mixed episodes that can be triggered by antidepressants and sedatives that work differently on some people with bipolar disorder. But it can be confused with other things so psychiatrists don't always think of bipolar if the patient isn't in the throes of a "classic" manic episode.

I feel awful for you op, and I know that there'll be posts saying 'your poor mum, think of her'
Negating her abuse when you were a child and expecting you to be there for and look after her now she's in need so perpetuating the belief she's the only Important person who's needs should be met.

Thanks for the replies.
I'm presuming the consultant biochemist will be advising the ward on further investigations (eg cortisol tests) but I will ask the psychiatrist this when I speak to her.
I'll also try and give some background to her regarding our upbringing but part of me feels like I'll be going behind my mum's back doing this. She has been great over the last 15 years and has been an amazing help to us with our son. I don't know if the way she was when we were at home was due to her relationship with my dad and generally being poor and not being able to cope with three kids.

@pharmachameleon I'm prayingtheres a break through. Her being present in your life has obviously helped you both - hang in there x

@Dawn1331 thanks