i am in a very very very dark and bad space in my life, my partner has decided to walk put on me and our son, i feared being a single mom all my life, i feared loosing him just as bad... i can't find a job i am stressing over the future, i still cry over my ex almost every day i have not been able to move forward even though its a year later, my mind intends to try and block all these things out by either rapidly cleaning every single day or simply sleep for days on end, but i am starting to realise how my behaviour is affecting my son by me never being there for him or spending time with him because i am alway cleaning and i don't know how to stop it, my mind doesn't want to be still at all some nights i can't sleep, i am anxious as can get, constantly nervous, and (only at night times and not every night) i get these horrible horrible intense panic attaches about death... i don't see the beauty in life, i am starting to stress more and more about the future and how am i going to raise my son when i don't even have a job, i am currently 29 and life is so so so expensive... i intend to overthink alot aswell and i so badly just wish i still had a relationship with my partner i honestly miss him stupid... i don't have medical aid and i don't trust our government docs actually i don't trust any person who is able to help me because i fear that they will either put me in a government mental hospital or take away my son and i won't be able to handle either...