I feel I can't connect with anyone anymore

[Septembergirl20]

I dealt with severe bullying back at school which almost destroyed me at the time. However, I became a reasonably confident and happy person right upto a few years ago. I was in an abusive relationship (that I'm thankfully now out of) and I tried to end my life. Since then it has been an uphill battle. I go to therapy and am also on medication, but I find my anxiety around others is at an all time high. It's like my body is still in severe fight or flight and I don't want to be around anyone. My only friends don't live nearby and it's not something my family really understand or want to speak about. I feel very much alone. I know deep down I'm actually a sociable person, or at least I was once but it's been knocked out of me with fear. Just to add I'm also waiting for an autism/adhd assessment so being potentially neurodiverse ties in with the anxiety aswell. I just feel hopeless and lost

Hi @Septembergirl20 ,

Sorry to hear what you are going through. Sounds like really tough circumstances and you did so well to get out of that relationship.

I guess it’s really important to give yourself lots of time to heal. It’s great you’ve already acknowledged this as that must be a huge part of the battle.

Are you taking any medication? Given the previous suicidal feelings and anxiety maybe something like sertraline would help? Worth speaking to your doctor about.

Maybe it would be a good idea to socialise whilst doing an activity or something which takes the focus off you. There are some lovely walking groups (ramblers) or a sporting activity like netball or tag rugby if you are sporty. Maybe focus on something you like doing and go from there or have a look at some local volunteering.

If it feels a bit much the first time going to something maybe you could see if a friend will come down for a visit and try something together.

What is your work situation, are you seeing anyone there?

Maybe acknowledging that being alone has become your safe place. Let yourself in to more social occasions slowly by saying yes to things but having an exit plan ready.

You'll get back to yourself in time, be kind to yourself ❤️ x

I was in an abusive relationship. I lost my friends and I don’t like being around people apart from my family now. I don’t know why. But I have gotten over the PTSD. I wasn’t diagnosed but it’s the only thing that fits to describe it. It took me having a nervous breakdown and going on strong medication. What I mean to say is that you will keep coming through it xx

Just to add I'm also waiting for an autism/adhd assessment so being potentially neurodiverse ties in with the anxiety aswell. I just feel hopeless and lost

I've just had some screening for this and in my case it pointed back to Complex-PTSD. I had a lot of symptoms flag up for autism but not enough to go forward for assessment. In my case, a lot of the c-ptsd symptoms mimic a ND condition (especially autism for me).

Traumatic childhood (abuse and neglect) coupled with severe bullying at school (I was largely ostricized) because I appeared different (very studious and withdrawn and emotionally behind my peers).

I feel that I often don't belong. I have a couple of friends who I see infrequently. I would love to extend my social circle but I have struggled with this. I don't work and have joined things like a walking group and a craft group. Although people are perfectly friendly, I don't feel able to connect to any of them - they don't seem to be on my wave-length. It is so, so tricky. Like you, I appear to be sociable (I think I do a lot of masking at times). I have also been told I am a good friend so I know I can be sociable (with my friends I am more myself). I absolutely get what you mean about being in fight or flight mode. I've recognised this in myself too. I am also perimenopausal and this is aggravating everything. Waiting for some more treatment and hopefully this will swing things around for me but I am tired of trying new things and feeling like an outsider (there are one or two groups who meet infrequently where I feel I do fit). Just wanted to say you are not alone. There is treatment for C-PTSD (if this is what you are diagnosed with) but you are unlikely to get it on the NHS (some areas are better than others). Wishing you all the best op. it does feel a lonely path to walk.

@Bonniethewestie thanks for your kind words. I'm currently taking effexor but may speak to my doctor about potentially changing medication.

I think a walking group sounds like a great idea and is something I have looked into. I've also signed up for a personal development course in September that I think may be of benefit to me. I'm a carer for a family member so that's kinda my full time job right now. I like your suggestion about going places and having an exit plan if things don't work out. It's definitely something I will keep in mind 😊

@Annaishere I'm so sorry to hear you were also in an abusive relationship and I can fully relate to just wanting to be around family now. I think after going through something like that, everyone and everything can feel unsafe for such a long time. I hope you are doing ok now ❤

@thisawesomebook I could really relate to your post. I don't even know for certain that I have ADHD/autism, its kinda just something that I have diagnosed myself with, but I think as you said, it can definitely overlap with the symptoms of trauma aswell. Like you I too was bullied, was always a little different etc and I think when your identity and who you are is chipped away at all the time at much a vulnerable age, it can leave a deep impact. I also relate about not fitting in to groups, I try but it's always kinda like feeling on the outside of things. Wishing you all the best also ❤