Partner and I both have PTSD

[Eggzhausted]

We were very happy and healthy people, then a couple of years ago something really bad happened and now my OH and I both have PTSD and pretty bad depression.

I don't really want to talk about it beyond saying it was a series of very terrifying events that we both felt powerless over preventing and it went on for a while.

He reacts by being angry and joyless and on edge all the time. I've reacted with flashbacks, loss of memory and being completely frozen.

We are both completely joyless and exhausted and we are just surviving. We still love each other but I feel hopeless.

I really have no idea what to do. I know we should "get help" but we both feel overwhelmed and just hanging on by a thread as it is. I don't think we have the strength right now to go over it all.

Is there any advice for just getting onto a more even keel? I am fighting with the belief that I'm a failure and a burden and it feels very real even if my logical brain says this is illness.

I miss him being like he was so much. I miss me too.

You need EDMR. This will process the memory and enable you to live peacefully again.

This is by far the best treatment for PTSD.
Your brain is ‘stuck’ at the time of the incident and can’t move foward. This is why you are getting flashbacks etc.

EDMR will help you process the stuck incident.

Has anyone who tried this had success?

I can't really understand how anything with make the pain from these memories repair, but it sounds like it processes the terror element?

When something traumatic occurs the subconscious mind needs to process what happened, for the express reason of avoiding the situation in the future. If the reasons are obvious (the other driver was drunk, there was a mechanical malfunction, etc) then the event can be easily explained and the mind doesn't need to dwell on it.

If the event was completely random, or the other people involved are unable/unwilling to explain their actions, the mind will keep rerunning the trauma in a vain attempt to find a meaning. This includes flashbacks, dreams, intrusive thoughts and the inability to find happiness. It can also mean that the mind will always be on high alert for danger which will fire up the fight or flight response, resulting in digestive problems, broken sleep, fatigue and a lowered immune system.

The subconscious is not trying to punish or torment you, it's trying to protect you by working out a solution - however there may not be a satisfactory answer and that's what it needs to understand.

If you were handed a jigsaw puzzle named "The Solution" you would try to complete it, right? If however you took the lid off the box to realise half the pieces were missing and others had been covered in white paint it would be fruitless to carry on - you would accept that there is no point. That's what your mind needs to know.

As well as EMDR, remedial hypnosis can be used to 'reset' the part(s) of the mind which have been assigned to understanding what happened in order to accept that it can be left in the past.

My partner has some emdr and it really helped.

I had a mixture of talking and hypnotherapy to help with trauma.
I was suffering from constant flashbacks and was depressed.
The hypnotherapy was honestly life changing. It's been 2 years since the therapy and I no longer have flashbacks and I'm back to being me.

Thank you to everyone

@Eyesopenwideawake the people involved are unable to explain their actions, which is why in my case my brain can't stop replaying it.

I dunno how EDMR will fix that. Maybe the person involved needs to explain. I think maybe they can't explain.

I know of children who have experienced awful trauma and abuse where EMDR was the recommended treatment - also a parent who underwent it and was very positive about the impact, although it was early days when I met with them. It is credible and accepted as a good option for helping with trauma.

I found EDMR a game changer.

I read an article about a woman who’s squiggled was murders in Japan. Her body was then chopped up and encased in a concrete block. The woman couldn’t get past it.

EDMR was able to help her.

Happy to send you a list of remedial hypnosis practitioners who can help - all offer a free initial consultation.

Unable or unwilling

I was very sceptical about emdr but having had ptsd for 9 years it seemed like my only option. Even at the start I didn't really see how it would help but a few months into treatment I can see a difference already it feels bizarre that tapping would help but it seems to be working.

Talking about it in a safe place helps. Finding other people who have had simple experiences/ trauma helped me. Made me feel not alone and not to mention other people have a much bigger scar than mine.
The similarities can be big and small. As long as I felt belonging it was good.

My husband refuses to get CBT for his anxiety because he doesn't understand how taking about it could possibly help and therefore doesn't believe that it can help him - it's almost like he thinks everyone who has ever found CBT for anxiety helpful must have had the wool pulled over their eyes and he's too smart to fall for it. So he's refusing to even try the main treatment. Grrr.

Don't be like my DH! It doesn't matter that you don't understand how EDMR would help. It doesn't matter that you don't believe it would help. You've already had a bunch of independent people on this thread telling you it can help. There is literally nothing to lose by trying. If it doesn't help, you've lost some time and money. But if it does help, even a bit, think how much better you'd feel.

EDMR will wipe the need for talking to anyone about it. It literally resets your brain so you won’t even think about it.

@Eyesopenwideawake I would really appreciate that. Thank you

@SummerInSun When I was happy and healthy I was a big believer in getting help. When you become sick in some way, you can't see that help would help anymore. You get very depressed and hopeless and can freeze rather than do anything about it, so ironically when you most need help it's hard to believe it will work.

@ArseInTheCoOpWindow that would be blinking amazing to be honest.