Intrusive thoughts - Citalapram

[TreeHuggerMum1]

I’m lost. Feel so broken. Was put on citalapram three weeks ago for severe anxiety, now all I can think about is ending things. My DH and kids shouldn’t have to cope with me. I’m such a waste of a person. I’ve wasted the summer. I just can’t go on feeling this way.
I lay awake last night thinking about how I could do it. This isn’t normal. What’s wrong with me!?

V bad day. I’m now under the crisis team. I’ve got to have an adult with me at all times as part of their care plan. My mother is travelling down tomorrow to help DH with kids etc.
Im a mess. I can’t see a way out of this.

I had similar with citalopram last year. I got left on it for 3 months and fobbed off by everyone and tried to end things 7 different times. Crisis team did nothing. No one did. It is very common with bipolar disorder for antidepressants to make things worse, I don't know if this is true of any other disorders as I can only speak for my own. Please get a referral to adult mental health/community mental health team if you're not already in the system (being under the crisis team doesn't mean you're also under CMHT), you need a proper assessment and diagnosis and the correct medication (and any appropriate therapy you can get your hands on) for your illness. Citalopram is an antidepressant not an anxiolytic.

Are you within 12 months of giving birth at all? If so you might be able to get referred to the postnatal mental health team and get better/faster treatment than you can get on the standard care pathway.

You are worth saving, your life is worth living, you are important and deserve to get the help that you need to get better.

First off op you are not a waste its mental health and will affect 1 in 3 people during their lifetime, I'm sure dh and children love you very much and understand your situation. Its good that you are reaching out and sharing how you feel,however If you are really struggling please call the crisis assessment team

Did you stay on it or change meds?

@TreeHuggerMum1 I suffer with severe anxiety/OCD/intrusive thoughts. Over the years I've had some really bad episodes and this year since february has been particularly bad. I know you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I've been there a lot this year. I took 2 overdoses earlier in the year because I couldn't see things getting better. Not because I particularly wanted to die but because I just couldn't see the emotional pain, the torturous thoughts and fear ending. I'm better than I was but still having a tough time. No magic answers I'm afraid but your certainly not on your own. Xx

@TreeHuggerMum1 you are definitely not a waste - your brain is just being a horror. You are valuable and will get through this. Please don't ever feel like there are no other options. Message any of us any time x

@TreeHuggerMum1 Please please please hang in there. I started citalopram about 14 weeks ago but have only been on 20mg got 8 weeks. I went on them for very low feelings, intrusive thoughts & anxiety. I absolutely was convinced I lost my mind when startling citalopram. My thoughts were terrifying, I thought i was going to end up either in a mental health ward or harming myself. I can not even put into words how anxious I was. Some days I couldn’t even speak or move because I felt frozen with anxiety. I am 8 weeks into 20mg & I am doing so so so much better. I am doing things I couldn’t do even before my anxiety took such a hold of me. I’m still early days and intrusive thoughts still come and go but I am managing them so much better & I am not absolutely riddled with anxiety like I was at the start. I know how scary starting the meds are, it was the scariest time of my life, and I’m sure my partners too watching me completely lose myself. I know you have probably convinced yourself you’re an exception and you’re never going to get better, that there is no way this will end for you but I promise it will. Please please keep going and believe that we are all here for a reason, YOU are here for a reason…. You will absolutely get better

Hello
this is my first time posting here so here goes .. about 5 years ago I was put on 20mg of citalopram for generalised anxiety and low mood I pushed through the side effects which were horrendous I’m not going to lie ! Any way move forward after about 8 weeks I was a totally different person I stayed on the 20mg ever since up untill 2023 when I started to come of them after 8 weeks of been off them things came creeping back I went back to the docs and they gave me 10mg I’m on my second day so far I’m terrified that I’m going to get the same side effects as before as I felt I was going insane for a week before things started to gradually settle … has any one had any experience with re starting again after a similar time to mine ??