Self harm support

[Tumban]

I was a prolific self harmer in my teens and into my 20s. My arms are ok but my upper
legs are a mess.

I self harmed a lot after my marriage (I think wedding planning distracted me) but haven’t done it since I before I was pregnant- eldest is now 7.

But recently the urges have returned. And I don’t know what to do with them. But when I look at some of my scars (which needed stitches), I don’t know how I did that to myself. But at the same time I think I deserve it.

Does it ever go away? Please help

Sorry there was a lot of buts in that post! Can you see I feel conflicted!!

Op no one deserves being harmed. Please seek help a gp or health professional. Do it for your family and yourself.

Thank you. I am scared to go to the gp. I don’t want to be judged. And I am
scared it will open up a can of worms. It feels easier to put it all in a box and put a lid on it but that clearly isn’t working

i believe many gps have seen many people with anxiety on a regular basis. Especially if you have a history of self harm a gp should take you seriously and may refer you to a MH service. Your family need you to take of yourself so you can take of them.

I also struggled with self harm addiction in my teens and early twenties (now 35) but haven’t self harmed in 11 years. I still get the urge all the time though. I treat it like alcoholism - alcoholics are always alcoholics, they just have to not drink. I’ll always be a self harmer but I just can’t do it, even once is too much risk. For me, it’s more about releasing a build up of pressure than punishment. I’m currently in the process of being assessed for autism and ADHD, which weren’t things that were considered for girls when I was young, and often look different for girls. But that’s a digression.

Please don’t be afraid of speaking to the GP, though unfortunately you may find all they can do is put you on an extremely long waiting list for counselling, but also the strategies that have kept you from self harming so far will still be there for you. Self care is a term that gets bandied about but it does matter, doing things to help you feel calm and safe matter. You and your body deserve to be safe and looked after.