Wasnt sure if this should go on divorce or relationships or parenting threads!
Recently divorced and he’s out or the house which is awesome, but now he has split time with kids and the drama kids tell me is just mindblowing…
Besides asking constantly for hugs and signs of affection, wanting to see their phones and messages to me as thinks I’ll be poisoning them against him, making coordinating schedule with kids super difficult, he also makes everything into a big deal hanging on to “self pity” and wanting kids to feel sorry for him.
Kids are teens and keep asking me why cant he just be normal, answer like a normal caring parent. Why he makes it all about him…
Its cristal clear narcissism caused by rejection trauma from being raised by a horrible bully and an uncaring mum who resolved all with money. But I worry it’ll only get worst as he doesn’t have my behaviour to sometimes shine a light into whats more “normal” and the crazyness when kids are there will just increase.
He is pretty lonely and has no friends or fam nearby, is extremely needy, I worry he’ll go into depression again and his behavior could become more abusive and dangerous. My eldest does “give it to him straight” which I guess is good as wont sugar coat things and maybe he can listen, but often he just thinks kids are being “coached” by me to confront and disrespect him (if they dont agree or say anything he thinks is wrong, he gives hours of speeches and demands they are respectful towards their father, when they where never disrespectful in the first place…)
For my own safety, kids peace and also for his own happiness, I so wish he’d seek help! It must be exhausting living like that, looking over his shoulders all the time, thinking all we do is to his detriment, desperately craving for love but not knowing how to nurture it so it comes naturally, not fakely when demanded…
He did therapy early on divorce but I think he didnt open up and really say what he thought and how he behaved. He’s on antidepressants still but he needs deep psychoanalysis! He was assessed once and they said he didnt need it, because he is smart not to show these crazy behavious and say these things elsewhere as he surely knows how it sounds! But it’s like its stronger than him and the more time goes on, the more he gets used to lying and creating confusion as his default mode all the time.
When I first said wanted to divorce he briefly acknowledged he was wrong and said wanted to change but it quickly went away as he noticed it wouldn’t get me back.
Anyone had any positive experiences in getting them to seek help to improve???