Intrusive thoughts -can’t cope anymore

[Reallytired2]

My Baby is over 1 years old and I have been plagued by intrusive thoughts since he before he was born. Various previous themes of intrusive thoughts I could cope with but for about the last 9 months they have been centred around preventing harm and I really really can’t cope any more. I am having counselling and tried two medications and they just won’t stop. He woke up crying in the middle of the night and as soon as I opened my eyes to go and get him the thoughts started attacking my brain, I feel literally paralysed with fear every day that someone is going to hurt him it makes me sick. I don’t know what to do anymore I can’t carry on like this I don’t have any quality of life because they literally don’t stop, I have to constantly check and think of ways to prevent harm coming to him, I’m terrified that I’m missing something and someone dangerous is going to get him. I’m also scared of someone attacking me so he’s on his own without me for the rest of his life. I don’t know how I’m supposed to carry on working/ functioning in normal life when I have the most horrific thoughts going through my head all day/ everyday. I don’t even know what I’m asking I just know I can’t continue like this. I literally have learned all the coping strategies in therapy but I can’t put them into place because the thoughts are too scary to leave alone

Hi OP. I have some experience of what you describe. I also found that when the anxiety was very severe, the coping strategies from therapy just couldn't cut it. I needed the right medication to take the edge off, and then I could start using the other strategies. You say you've tried two different medications. I know it feels so demoralising but I think you need to try another one. There's a huge range out there now, not just SSRIs but SNRIs, old style tricyclic antidepressants, anti anxiety meds, anti psychotics that can be effective in low doses against anxiety... having tried two meds isn't actually that many. It's very likely that there is a medication that can take the edge off this for you. It would be worth going back to your GP and trying again. It's such an awful thing to experience - I'm sorry.

Hi, thank you for replying to me, I think I’m going to have to maybe try another medication to see if that helps, like you said before when you’re it feels severe there really is no reasoning and the thoughts feel so real the coping strategies don’t help. Did it take you long to get over the intrusive thoughts? I really can’t cope I feel like I’m going insane I can’t get a minutes peace from them

I started taking Prozac two months ago because I was having intrusive thoughts and it’s worked like a charm. I was quite bad. I couldn’t leave the house at times. My mum died in December and think that’s the trigger.

antidepressants really work for anxiety as well. I’d say I’ve not been depressed at all actually but the anxiety was through the roof.

I used to take sertraline for anxiety and within a couple of days of starting the intrusive thoughts ground to a halt and spon after they disappeared entirely.

Thanks for the replies I’ve contacted the doctors, I have tried citalopram and sertaline before they both made me so much worse rather than better so I’m really scared about trying something new. Did the intrusive thoughts feel really real to you? I have postnatal ocd and I struggle all the time knowing what’s an intrusive thought and something that is real, it’s literally the worse thing I’ve ever experienced

Hi OP, just wanted to send some sympathy and solidarity. I had awful intrusive thoughts after birth of dd1 and still struggle with one image that pops into my head (12 years later). It’s so hard and it effected my bonding as spent all my time on OCD thoughts and planning safety measures etc.

mine got better when I went back to work. Time away from her i suppose. Have you gone back to work? I also developed a little way of making fun of my brain and it’s thoughts … sort of making the thoughts not connected to me if that makes sense. I also learned to sort of thank my brain for pointing out possible dangers but then told brain that everything was ok. I sort of split my brain in 2. It will get better OP . Good luck

Thanks for the advice @wp65 i really appreciate it, I am back in work but I don’t think my job is helping with the horrible thoughts. I just really want this to be over, I don’t recognise myself anymore and I can’t sleep because it’s non-stop, I just wouldn’t have imagined a year or two ago that this would be my life now it’s really traumatising. I do really hope it stops soon, going to see what the doctors say when they call I’m really hoping a different medication will help.

Did the intrusive thoughts feel really real to you?
No, I was quite stern with myself sometimes and would force myself to rein my thoughts in and see what was real and what was actually going on - i would look around me and systematically take stock for reality versus my running-wild thoughts: Look, baby is OK, nothing bad is happening etc. After a while this "stop" mechanism becomes a habit. But it was hard to begin with.

I also found the idea that intrusive thoughts are not unusual was helpful - that your brain is trying to make you careful, that it's a known safety mechanism.

Meditation helps me to focus on one thing at a time and to understand that I am not my thoughts and I can let them go. Incredibly freeing, and I talk as someone who had such severe physical anxiety symptoms that needed a&e etc.

Hi OP. Sorry to hear how much you are struggling with intrusive thoughts. They are a type of OCD and really distressing. I get them as well and the only medication that has ever worked for me is venlafaxine. It has literally switched them off, and there is a lot of scope for increasing them too when needed. I don't know if you have ever tried it but might be worth asking your doctor about it, it is known for helping with OCD and anxiety.

This sounds like Pure OCD. My DH has this and at times the intrusive thoughts are as bad as your describing. He's thoughts are always around that he's missing something and in the process someone else (either me or you DC) are going to end up hurt. I'll ask him when he's home what medication he uses and the name of the therapy he did last year as he said it was really helpful.

This is a great how to guide.
One thing someone told me was that she freezes the thoughts.
Notices, acknowledges but freezes them rather than just saying stop which the mind tends to fight against.

Also @Reallytired2 do you know about grounding? So the sequence would go
•notice obsessive or obstructive thought
•ah, that’s why my heart is racing and mouth is dry. Thanks for alerting me to the risk but I’ve got this, freeze please.
•now out of my head and to the present- what can I see or hear or taste or touch or feel. Sometimes the sense of danger is so heightened you can’t tune into your real life senses so you could rub your hands, noticing how it feels and sounds or drink water (something quick) noticing the flavour and sensations. Concentrating on real sensations is grounding.

Thank you so much everyone for all the suggestions, I think I need to try some new medication. And I will definitely try them techniques @Lamelie Thank you, @GlitchStitch & @my82my yes I have been diagnosed with OCD it’s horrible isn’t it I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy, that’s exactly how mine seems to present where I feel a responsibility to stop people ( mainly my baby) from being hurt. I think this morning was the most severe it’s been for a while, it’s exhausting

Acknowledge the thought, tell it to freeze, not stop and ground yourself. Can you see something purple or starting with the letter p? Can you hear something mechanical? What’s the most distant thing you can see?

After a while you can go straight from acknowledging and freezing a thought to grounding yourself.