Please help me explain how I'm feeling

[Spirallingdowndown]

Hi everyone,

This is my first post. I'm really hoping that by typing this out that I can make sense of what I'm feeling at the moment.

I've had anxiety in the past that made me feel overwhelmed and panicked, like I was struggling to breathe. I would flap and breakdown in tears when I was at my worst. That was a few years ago now and I worked through it with medication and CBT and I now no longer feel like this.

The problem is, I often feel kind of stuck and numb now. It feels like I wake up and just struggle to make any kind of decision about what to do about anything.

I've had to call in sick to work today because I basically can't use my brain so I'm sitting with a coffee in hand waiting for this feeling to pass.

This has been happening more and more lately and I don't know what to do to prevent it other than to wait it out?

Has anyone else felt similar and if so, what helped you?

Thank you!

I have felt similar. To be honest I ‘parent’ myself a bit when I get like it. I talk to myself kindly and have a list of non negotiables to work through. Cup of tea
shower
get dressed
get in the car
etc

it definitely wouldn’t be helpful to me to take time off work if I feel like this, would make it worse and make my situation worse.

I’d also probably keep a note of how I felt. When my anxiety was really bad I kept a daily (sometimes three times a day) score out of ten how anxious I felt. That way I could see how things were changing.

it is ok not to feel fine sometimes. Normal. My approach is to be kind to yourself but keep putting one foot in front of another.

Thank you @BlastedSkreet

I will try what you've suggested. I usually do push through as best I can or I kind of rejig my day to allow me to make up for the lost productivity but I think I've been worrying that it keeps happening. I think I'm probably feeding into it though by thinking like that.

How old are you? Could this be peri-meno / hormonal in some way?

Hiya @TreeHuggerMum1 , I'm 36. My sister is 34 and is actually being looked at for early menopause at the moment as our mum went through it at 38. My cycle is pretty regular but I have always thought it might have been partly to do with hormones. I will start keeping a diary to see.

Depression is often characterised as feeling numb, as though all your emotions have shut down.

Imagine being in a locked room with no lights - you wouldn't be able to do anything because you'd have no options open to you; that's depression. But if you knew there was both a light switch and a key somewhere in that room you'd start searching for the light switch, knowing that finding that would illuminate the key to freedom. What would your light switch look like? What tiny change could you make to your life that would start the process?

@Eyesopenwideawake I've been thinking about this all afternoon but I don't know the answer. I reduced my hours in work already and increased my sertraline to 150mg but I don't feel any different. Would it be worthwhile trying a different medication?

Only your medical professional can advise you on medication.

What did you dream about as a child? If you let your imagination run free, what would make your heart beat a little quicker? I don't mean winning an Olympic medal or being rich and famous - I mean what would make you that little bit happier next week? What's within reach?

That coffee in hand, what about if you were drinking it looking over a sparkling lake or in a park? Or with a friend on a break from window shopping?

Finding that glimmer of hope, of interest, of something that means something to you is the first step. It doesn't have to be expensive or time consuming - it just to be that 'yeah, I think I want to do that' moment.

For me volunteering at my local dog shelter helped massively during a dark time, although I realise that shovelling shit isn't everyone's idea of a good time!

Could it be your body adjusting to the increase in Sertraline? I felt like that when I went on it, then it went away when my body adjusted. Then I upped my dose twice more and it happened each time but then levelled out. If you’ve been on that dose for a few months then maybe discuss it with your doctor

@Eyesopenwideawake thank you for this. I remember at the peak of my anxiety years ago it really helped me to go hill walking so I'm going to try that this morning and try to build it in once a week if I can!

@LucyD30 the doc increased my sertraline to help with this but I have to admit I'm not the most consistent taking it, I missed it at least once a week so that's also likely not helping me. I got myself a pill box to help me to stay organised with it.

Thanks for all your help ❤️

Maybe speak to your doctor about trying different medication?
My husband has depression and it took years to find the right balance of medication that helped him. Sertraline didn't work for him at all.

Really hope you find something that helps you. Depression is an awful thing and people seem to think you can just take a pill and it'll all be better, but it doesn't work like that. Even with the right balance of meds, you can still suffer dark periods but with the right support you can get through this.
On the days where getting out of bed seems impossible just aim to drink some water so you don't get dehydrated.
If cooking meals seems too overwhelming, try stock the cupboard with things that can be eaten without preparation- such as grapes and mini cheeses.
On one of your good days, sort out a drawer in your bedside table to have bottled water, cereal bars, face wipes, disposable toothbrushes, medication, maybe a colouring book & pencils etc so on a bad day, you can stay in bed but be able to clean your face & teeth, eat something and stay hydrated.
Some days the depression will take over, just don't let it take over all of your days.

Sorry I saw sertraline and assumed depression but my advice works for anxiety too x

@Spirallingdowndown - how was the walk?