Feeling depressed

[georgiamae98]

I have suffered with depression since being a teen, and have been on and off medication for it. At the moment I am at my highest dosage of sertraline which is 150mg but I still feel so down and depressed and I just cry all the time. I am craving a night out just to forget about it for a while.
I think it stems from being in a relationship for 6 years and my partner being a secret alcoholic, no one listened to me when I'd say how much he was drinking etc. But when I tried to finish with him he admitted it all and now I feel like everyone thinks I should forgive and forget and move on but I can't, I find it hard as I am 25 and still like a drink out but I feel like I can't anymore. It just feels impossible to end the relationship as he doesn't accept it and let go and I think this is now putting more of a toll on my mental health. I'm really struggling at the moment to see anything positive.

Hi OP, sorry you are feeling this way.

I think from your summary it sounds like you know what you need to do. You’ve got to get out of the relationship for your own sake. Do you live together? I think you might have to cut contact for a bit to get away.

Nothing wrong with a night out to let your hair down. Maybe best to try and keep busy with some social activities and a few things in the diary to look forward to.

It’s not easy - stay strong and it’s great you’ve reached out ❤️

Have you had therapy to examine why you have depression? Have you experienced past trauma?
From your post you seem to have very low self esteem/self worth to stay in a relationship with a secret drinker. You should aim higher. Be with someone who respects you.

Yeah we do live together, he owns the house.
We had a period of "separation" as I like to call it but he never gave me space, he was at the house when I woke up he was at the house when I went to sleep. He wouldn't let me move out as he says it's our daughters home so she needs to be there but I feel as though it was much more of a control reason.
The drinking was always something I knew was a problem and we would argue and fall out about it all the time and him/everyone else made me out to be the "bad guy" but he eventually admitted to his problems when he knew he was losing me, he has since gone to AA meetings and I'm proud in the sense he's recognised and is getting help but that doesn't make me happy still.
I feel trapped in the relationship, he is very persistent and doesn't let go. He keeps buying me gifts and has spent a fortune on birthday gifts for me and I feel as though he is buying things to get me back but he doesn't get that's not what I want. I'm tired of it all.
I recently moved jobs too so I don't see my old friends much anymore and working in a school I've been off for the holidays with my daughter and it's definitely taking its toll on my mental health. Sorry about the rant

I have been the therapy in the past, I always blamed my self for my reasons of unhappiness and depression but I now believe it isn't because of me because all I've ever tried to do is make it work with someone who would pick a pint of over me.
I had therapy this year regarding a haemorrhage which was very severe and I almost died from it, this is the only trauma I have ever faced.

What everyone else thinks is irrelevant. This relationship is making you both unhappy and unwell so, for your own sake and the sake of your daughter, you should make plans to leave. Can you get back in touch with your old friends for support?

I have signed up to be considered for social housing as I couldn't afford private rent on my own. But I doubt I will get anything I'm always in the 20+ ranking.