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Please help me I'm going mad

3 replies

indigo277 · 20/08/2023 11:48

Please help me.. I'm sabotaging my own happiness and questioning every move my partner makes.
Just to give some back story my ex's have all cheated/left for someone else.

I have been with my partner for 6 years- we both have one child each from past relationships and we now have a 2 year old son together. He proposed to me, works hard, is very generous and attentive and on the whole a good man.

Recently we've been talking about setting a date for the wedding/looking at venues and this has for some reason sent me spiralling with paranoia that maybe there's something that could ruin the day/maybe he's cheated in the past and I don't know what about. I just keep reading into every little thing, thinking any interaction with a female client is suspicious and I'm just constantly crying and questioning him. Please be kind to me, I know I'm sounding crazy and I'm getting help, I've been to the gp. I had an awful childhood and have severe anxiety and abandonment issues which I'm having therapy for.

I've started looking through his phone/scrolling back years and years searching for any signs of infidelity.
First thing that's reassured me- all convos are there- nothing has been deleted even with his daughters mum- everything is there.

I was feeling reassured then I stumbled across a message from 2 and a half years ago to one of his ex co workers. He used to work for a big firm in London as the accountant before quitting in lockdown and starting up his own accounts practice.
She had messaged saying congrats on your new business and shop etc and he had said thank you and congratulations to you too on the pregnancy you're going to be a great mum! She said thank you I see you're expecting another one too how exciting, I bet the girls are really excited and that she was having a boy too.
He said yes they're really excited and that his Mrs (me) was due soon so they'll (him and her) would have to go on a play date!
She said yes definitely and then that was it.

He never mentioned this conversation to me at least I don't remember him mentioning it.

This has absolutely shattered me- deep down I know it's harmless and we've spoken before about him being in contact with ex co workers which he says it's purely for networking purposes and that they might be able to help him one day and vice Versa.

Am I crazy or is this a sign that he's untrustworthy?

OP posts:
bossybloss · 20/08/2023 11:53

I don’t think that it is a sign he is untrustworthy. Maybe at the time he didn’t mention it as he had no real intention to go on a play date and it was something he just said , as people do.It’s good that you are getting help for your mental health. This might help you to present as less paranoid ( sorry that sounds such a negative word!) about his behaviour. I would work on building up your self esteem generally.x

Fluffycloudsblusky · 20/08/2023 12:11

Stop looking at his phone. This isn’t good for him or you. The phone messages are totally innocent. You are being controlling expecting him to tell you ever single conversation he has ever had
I would seriously seek some Councelling and not get married until you have dealt with your trust issues. For you and for his benefit. It’s not fair to either of you

Annaishere · 20/08/2023 12:35

It’s nothing. I can see why you’re paranoid if the same thing kept happening to you in the past. Maybe you attracted crap men and have changed since then ? I mean in your self esteem and boundaries

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