Sorry if the title sounds a bit drastic but its how I am feeling just now.
I am a very anxious and depressed person, I worry about the past, the future and catastophise a lot. I have been on medication for years, also had therapy including IAPT.
To cut a long story short, I was taking Prozac for over twenty five years and it worked. I had no physical side effects. It made me numb but that suited me because I couldn't feel anything. However, it made me weak in the way that I let people walk over me and couldn't see it when they were taking advantage of me, especially men.
I have a lot of friends and in particular a couple whom I stayed with during lock down. I do have family who I am close to, my brother and his family, our parents are sadly no longer alive, but for some reason I don't tell them how I truly feel as they have worries of their own.
So last year the man of the couple who I work with got some advice from a friend of his who used to be psychiatrist and told him that Prozac is an old drug and it doesn't work after years of being on it and it just makes you numb. I was getting more anxiety so he came with me to see my GP, I told her how I was feeling and she agreed to put me on Setraline. That gave me bad diarrhea which only made me more anxious and fed my health anxiety so I went onto Citrolapram and have been on it since November last year.
I am now feeling much stronger in myself when it comes to dealing with people and my friend has noticed this. However, my body is more achy, I feel more sensitive in some ways and keep bursting into tears. I feel that people are against me all the time. My friend says that this is just my feelings coming out and in time I will learn to deal with it as the Prozac numbed me so much.
Anyway, unable to cope with it any longer I went to see my GP earlier this week and she agreed to put me back onto Prozac, saying I've had a decent break from it so we will see how it goes. My friend has told me he will give up on me if I go into numb mode again and start letting people take advantage of me so this is added anxiety,
I work full time and work saves me. I am nearly 62 and due to retire in five years time and I dread the thought. I am on leave this week and already going crazy because I don't have any structure to my days. I am weaning off the Citrolapram before going back onto Prozac and I feel I am going mad. I am having terrible thoughts. I don't know whether or not to stay on the Citrolapram. Has anyone else changed back and forth like this because I honestly don't know what to do.
Sorry for the long post.