One of my worst days of parenting to date

[helloandthankyou]

Hello,

I have a 2.5 year old and a 4 year old. Today I decided to take them out for the day and it turned out to be one of the worst days of parenting I have done to date.

All of us were tired, I parent on my own 90% of the time and bedtime is such a struggle that I often let them stay up late with me because otherwise it takes 2-3 hours and I’m solo trying to clear up after dinner, read stories, bath and brush teeth, sort mess & laundry (whilst running a business). I’m also pre-menstrual and have always had very very bad mental health associated with my cycle.

Everything was OK until it wasn’t. Just an absolute shit storm of circumstances… and I lost it with them several times. I also then had a call from my Mother on the way home, she wanted to berate me for something or other (I’m mid 30s but still absolutely terrified of her) and it just cause me to lose it again, with the kids.

Im just sat in shock at what an awful, awful day this has been. I’m questioning all of my life choices and feeling deeply ashamed also.

The kids seem fine now but I know that it must have been traumatic for them.

Has anyone else had any real shitters this Summer?

x

I’m so sorry to hear this, it sounds like a shit day. I want to give you a hug.
do you have a non judgemental mum or dad friend you can call? It sounds like you need to have a big cry with someone.

you don’t have to answer the phone to your mother. You don’t have to go along with the direction the conversation is going or the questions she asks. I’m learning this slowly.

have you tried writing down how you feel? After a bad day with the kids I find this helps. And getting a long sleep if your kids allow it.

I had a shit bedtime with my 3 year old, that’s why I’m sympathising. Felt like he and I were both monsters.

Awww don't feel too bad because taking kids of that age out for the day on your own is very hard. Even if you had perfect mental health it would be hard. Those are hard ages.
I struggle with my two sometimes and they are older and I've got my husband.. but in this heat out for a full day there does come a point where the noise and the constant stress of it will have me on the edge and I'm just a full bitch.
We are all just trying our best out here!
Well done for taking them for a day out. It went wrong but you tried. That's all you can do

Yep. I’ve had some awful moments with my 3. I stood in a car park and cried a few weeks ago after a catalogue of shit events all before lunchtime. But as everyone told me at the time, tomorrow is a new day. There will be better days!

Awww don't feel too bad because taking kids of that age out for the day on your own is very hard. Even if you had perfect mental health it would be hard. Those are hard ages.
I struggle with my two sometimes and they are older and I've got my husband.. but in this heat out for a full day there does come a point where the noise and the constant stress of it will have me on the edge and I'm just a full bitch.
We are all just trying our best out here!
Well done for taking them for a day out. It went wrong but you tried. That's all you can do

Oh god this takes me back.

I had some HORRIFIC shitter of days when my kids were about that age. I remember driving SCREAMING at my 2 year old to shut up as he had whinged and whinged and whinged and whinged and I was utterly broken. I cried and wailed and screamed.

I look back now with utter horror, wondering how the fuck I didn't damage them for life. I was very young (22 with a 4 and 2 year old).

They are now 15 and 17 and absolutely brilliant kids, my best mates. This will pass OP, you'll have better days, and you'll have more bad days.

Stop everything for today. Have baths, sit in clean pj's on the sofa and just be. Order food if you can afford to. Otherwise Freezer Feast will do. Tomorrow is another day.

We've all been there Op. don't let it get you down. Have a nice early night and chill.
Sounds like you need to limit contact with your mum though.

Thank you for some wonderfully supportive and hopeful replies.

I am OBSESSED with trying not to pass on generational trauma or damage my kids in any way and unfortunately this can lead to things becoming unbalanced as I try to pretend I am fine and then just hit my limit so fast. It must be awful for them.

Great idea RE writing about today. I love writing and will try that.

I have tried to put them to bed once already but they are both still awake. I think not having evenings really affects me. I’ve been parenting since 7:30am - there’s no down time - no space for my head. And I’m starting to wonder if I have ADHD because I just can’t seem to get a grip on my thoughts ever! Im all over the place constantly. I can be thinking about skiing one second and then about how nice it would be to live by the sea the next…

I’m so tired x

No such thing as a perfect parent, remember that. I remember hearing my next door neighbour shouting at her toddler... she's a health visitor!
Don't be too hard on yourself, your kids will be fine.

So many shit days! 2.5 and 4 are SO hard! I'm barely out the other side of it but it's getting easier, it's still hard but nowhere near as intense. My version of not passing on intergenerational trauma is making sure that I shout because there was too much sulking when I was small, I expect mine will focus on holding it on rather than letting it out 🤷‍♀️

Make a firm bedtime a priority! You absolutely need the down time yourself. Don’t do anything but the shortest routine: dinner, teeth, story, bed, lights out. Tell them “mommy is downstairs working now so thats that until morning.”

(((HUG)))

we all have bad days, that's life.

if they are still awake at 21.40, it's no wonder you're all exhausted!

Where is their Dad/s in all of this, why are you doing 90%??

For your iwn sanity (& their health) you need to get very firm about bedtime. As another poster said, short routine & then tell them you need to work (they don't really understand that, but they learn it's when mummy needs quiet time. If they get up just a calm quiet return to bed, no fuss, no rewarding (with attention or anything else). It's for their benefit !!!

how bad did it get today, 'just' shouting or did you smack them?

Can you go NC with your mum?

I’ll start getting firmer with bedtime. No hitting or smacking… but just manic screaming that was triggered by my own Mother calling. I didn’t even know I could make that kind of noise. Absolutely horrendous. An abomination of a day and an abomination to parenting.

My partner works away, is never here really. He drops in and out but is currently in Europe working. And then I have to rely on my Mother more, which makes things really bad.

NC has been tried and was very depressing as I lost my Dad in that deal too

x