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Please help ,husband ,is this abusive

5 replies

Jessica0101 · 17/08/2023 02:41

I've not worked for a couple of years ,waiting for spine specialist.my husband is a carer for adult son ,always has been as I've always worked .he has never contributed financially to the household ,he is a drinker and a smoker ,the drinking is every night ,this costs roughly £450.00 a month for both ,he gets £300.00 carers allowance .he doesn't contribute to the household bills ,as he just hasn't got the funds .he never has done .I have asked him maybe get a job 10/12 hours a week ,which he can do on carers allowance,we are both nearly 60 .my dad passed away last year ,left some money to me ,I don't want my dad's money that he left just dwindle away ,I need him to help out financially,whenever I ask him about looking for a job ,he says I'm trying to cause an argument ,please somebody advise me ,I feel like I'm going mad ,I'm not waisting my dad's money .all his life he has done this ,please be kind ,I've had enough .thankyou for reading

OP posts:
Darkherds · 17/08/2023 02:52

Hi OP, just wondering how much care your son needs? Is it full time? How intense is the job? Carers are massively underpaid, that's part of the problem. I'm sorry, not sure what the solution is, but wishing you well.

Darkherds · 17/08/2023 02:54

Also has your husband any inclination to cut down on the drinking and smoking?

Babyrabbit1 · 17/08/2023 02:56

Hey im so sorry to hear what you are going through, i dont want to give you any ideas but when this happened to me i walked away regardless wethr my family agreed or not. Together for 5 years aswell and honestly i feel so much better without his negative energy around me. It seems as though he wants you to go out work and provide aswell as cooking and looking after the house, clearly you know him better than me but it seems as though he doesnt want to leave his lifestyle and become a different person. Is there anyone you can speak to in your family? Or someone who could possibly get through to him maybe? Men just dont like to act like men nowadays its a joke!

MakeMineAdoubleChocolate · 17/08/2023 02:57

I'd be gutted at that much being thrown away on booze and cigarettes. That's really quite a lot.

Darkherds · 17/08/2023 03:01

But how would leaving work with regard to her disabled son @Babyrabbit1?

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