Parental Anxiety

[Neurodiverseuniverse]

So full disclosure before I start: I do have generalised anxiety but it is for the most part well controlled. I'm also autistic, no idea if it's relevant but just incase it is.

I have 4 kiddos I (f, 10), E (f, 6), H (m, 5) and HJ (f, 21 months). Shortly after HJ was born I began to experience some health anxiety around her. For the first maybe 4 to 5 months I was constantly afraid she was sick, practically on her deathbed. My doctor was probably sick of seeing my face the first few months of 2022. For the record apart from one time when they said she had a viral infection she was fine.

As she got older and more robust this calmed down. However the past 3 or so months it seems to have transferred mainly to H but also somewhat to the other kids. I think probably H is getting the most because he is autistic, naive, impulsive and altogether wild but with that comes an innocence and lack of any real kind of awareness of danger.

So here is the issue: it is now reaching the point where I am anxious all of the time when we are out that someone will take one or more of the kids. It sometimes stops me going out with them by myself because my brain says well what if someone snatches one? You'd have to leave the others to chase them?

Im having quite realistic nightmares basically every night that end up with me waking terrified and not being able to sleep. To give some examples:

House fire, I manage to get everybody out except H. H stands at the window too scared to jump. I can't get to him. He literally burns to death infront of me. That was one of the more traumatising ones tbf.

Also stupid ones like what if someone comes with a gun and forces me to choose two kids to keep and two to kill. Or another stupid one was they were at school and America bombed us and the school was hit.

I and E stolen and sold to sex trafficking.

HJ abused at nursery while I'm at work. I don't find out for ages, it's been going on a long time. HJ now completely traumatised and no longer happy sweet baby.

Anyway, it is getting insanely bad and I think a general theme seems to be my inability to protect them from these things, there's probably some psychological reason behind that somewhere. I was hoping it would slowly go away like it did with HJ's babyhood but I'm at a loss as to what to do about it.
Has anybody else experienced this? What did you do to stop it? WHAT DO I DO?😫😫

Thank you for reading if you have gotten this far 🫶

Hi OP. Sorry you are going through this. It sounds really tough. I can relate to some aspects.

Could it be some post partum depression/ anxiety? Have you spoken to you GP about it? I had some talking therapy/ CBT through the GP which helped to an extent but what was best for me was antidepressants- I was on sertraline for around 2 years- they prescribe it for anxiety- I wasnt depressed. I have also paid for some private therapy which helped too.

I have recently weaned off and I am still not fully cured from the anxiety- generalised/ health/ some social- not sure you ever are… It is def more manageable now though and helped with intrusive thoughts. I think the boost of sertraline for a few years helped me get out of the hole I was in. Good luck but def speak to GP or even health visitor about the way you are feeling as some therapy/ and or meds may be what you need.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Can you ask to see the psychologist attached to perinatal MH? Where I live you have two years PP to see them.