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Mental health

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Original poster

I don’t know what is wrong with me

12 replies

Peony26 · 16/08/2023 20:02

I started a new job about 6 months ago and am doing a lot of hours. I don’t dislike the job at all and definitely like having more money to make life easier but I’m completely overwhelmed by everything at home I’m so sick of everything, sick of the house, sick of the things that need doing to it. sick of all the cleaning and maintenance, sick of my husband not doing half the things I do, sick of my eldests attitude and laziness, sick of my middle one constantly attention seeking, lying and trashing everything, sick of my youngest playing up. I can’t even tolerate anyone that I am not forced to see! I am completely done I feel like I could drive away and never come back! I have totally had enough, can’t shake the feeling and don’t give a shit about the way I’m making them feel because I have totally had enough of them!

OP posts:

lostinmaze · 16/08/2023 20:04

Aside from the new job part, you just described my life. I'm 43, with 3 dc, and I keep thinking is this midlife crisis I used to hear so much about? Is it menopause? No idea, but be interesting to hear other posters. No advice, but you're not alone.

Original poster

Peony26 · 16/08/2023 20:22

Maybe the job is not related then, I thought I was working so many hours and so tired that I was just overwhelmed. Life just absolutely sucks atm, I feel so taken for granted I’m so sick of everything

OP posts:

OneAndDon3 · 16/08/2023 21:31

The set your life on fire and run away thing is quite well documented to be linked to the menopause. Not saying it's definitely that but have a tag of this book by Kate Muir and see if it resonates. It's on audible if you've not got time to read.

Everything You Need to Know About the Menopause (but were too afraid to ask)

An eye-opening, no-holds-barred guide to the perimenopause and menopause written by campaigner, journalist and documentary-maker Kate Muir. Everything You Need to Know About the Menopause (and were too afraid to ask) is the thinking woman’s guide to th...

https://books.google.co.uk/books/about/Everything_You_Need_to_Know_About_the_Me.html?id=iZs5EAAAQBAJ&printsec=frontcover&source=kp_read_button&hl=en&newbks=1&newbks_redir=0&gboemv=1&ovdme=1&redir_esc=y#v=onepage&q&f=false

OneAndDon3 · 16/08/2023 21:31

*a read not a tag. Sorry.

Eyesopenwideawake · 16/08/2023 21:52

Time to call a house meeting and resigning as cook, cleaner and bottle washer. All the other members of your family need to know that you've done your time and it's now time for you to concentrate on your career.

They can either step up and become useful members of both society and their own home or they can deal with the consequences - no food on the table, no clean clothes and no benefiting from your disposable income.

The carrot is you can spend more time and money with/on them if you all work as a team...try that before you get the big stick out.

Random789 · 16/08/2023 22:01

There is nothing wrong with you. What's wrong is the preussure you are under to take on more than your fair share of other people's shit.
Don't fall for the idea that "the menopause" is responsible for your fury. That is an age-old way of delegitimising women' rage, one that for some reason is framed as progressive atm.

fantasmasgoria1 · 16/08/2023 22:10

Talk to them all and tell them that they are not pulling their weight. If they agree to do more but do not follow through with that then do only your own laundry, meals etc and leave them to it.

LizzieSiddal · 16/08/2023 22:10

Agree 100% with @Random789

No wonder you’re feeling like you do, you are being taken advantage of! Your H should be supporting you, instead you are working all those hours then coming home and doing the vast majority of parenting and household tasks. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership.
Call a house meeting and tell him you’ve had enough and he needs to step up to make the home work better for everyone.

JodyMitchell · 16/08/2023 22:27

@Random789

Don't fall for the idea that "the menopause" is responsible for your fury. That is an age-old way of delegitimising women' rage, one that for some reason is framed as progressive atm

I totally agree with this! Years ago women’s legitimate rage was medicated with Valium, now it’s HRT. No different to the ancient idea of women being ‘hysterical’ ie. possessing faulty wombs.

Don’t fall for the bubble bath, candles and spa break ‘self care’ solutions either.

OP I totally relate to what you are experiencing. There’s an amazing book called Real Self Care that I highly recommend.

If you work and have kids there’s only a certain amount you can put up with. Many women crack when their kids get to a certain age. Not because of their faulty female bodies but because of the unrelenting shit they have had to put up with. You get to a tipping point.

My solution was to gradually withdraw my services as cook, nanny, counsellor, cleaner, family PA, gardener etc etc and start training the other people in my life to take responsibility. It took a while but things are much better now and the rage has gone. No HRT, anti depressants or spa breaks needed.

JodyMitchell · 16/08/2023 22:29

Real Self Care by Dr Pooja Laksmin

Original poster

Peony26 · 17/08/2023 06:50

I’ve told them, so many times! My husband completely apologises and takes responsibility but nothing changes, my teenager gets really nasty, and the youngest two get really upset, I’ve barely spoken to any of them since Tuesday evening, and I haven’t done a thing, it all blew up Because we were going out for someone’s birthday and they couldn’t do the most basic things that I had asked, we had huge arguments and didn’t go! And then yesterday instead of pulling their weight as he’s off, they went to the park! I absolutely flipped again last night! I was like let me get this straight after everything last night you went out to the park?!

which is another thing that is upsetting me, it was my best friends, sons 18th birthday, we are really close and although it’s not about the money I spent a lot of money on him kitting out this present that I knew he would love and he did, he texted me the next day after my husband dropped it off, and I was really upset that we missed it, however my best friend who I have supported for so many years through so much stuff, and she hasn’t even texted me back after I messaged her that it was all kicking off and I absolutely was at my wits end etc and we weren’t going to make it to his meal

OP posts:

LizzieSiddal · 17/08/2023 14:52

@Peony26 im so sorry your family, especially your H are behaving like this. I think living like this will be really affecting your mental health.

I would have a sit down chat with your H, and tell him once and for all that you cannot go on like this, that you actually want to leave unless he pulls his finger out. I’d then make a list together of everything which needs to be done each day/week/weekend etc, decide who is doing what and stick the list on the fridge. Then you do NOT do anything which is not assigned to you. Dc have to be included too and there should be consequences, also written down if jobs are not done.

I got to a similar point with my family and I did the above and said that as we live in a house together, I was not the only one responsible for making the house work, we had to work as a team to ensure everyone was happy. It took a few weeks before they really got that I meant it, I was not doing anything on the list which wasn’t my job. They got here int he end!

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