I'm ashamed to tell people how lonely I am

[twinklebigstar60]

I got out of an emotionally abusive relationship 3 years ago and have been a bit of an emotional mess ever since then. I'm in therapy and that has allowed me to recognise a lot of self destructive patterns that I've had throughout my life.

I was bullied badly back at school and it was a trauma I never really addressed at the time. I became a bit of a people pleaser and as a result met all of the wrong people both in friendships and relationships.

I feel terrified to put myself out there again because so many of my past efforts have ended badly. Aswell as PTSD, I'm also autistic and making long lasting friendships has been difficult.

I feel ashamed of being lonely even though I know it Is a normal human emotion and I just don't know where to go from here.

I'm so sorry to hear this OP.

I don't really have any advice (someone better equipped than me will be along soon) but I just wanted to say I wish I could give you a big hug x

Pick an activity you enjoy and go there with the intention of enjoying the activity not forcing friendships. Overtime you will meet like minded people and those friendships will gradually form.

Something like a walking group might be good, it's outside which is good for MH, it's exercise, walking sideby side means you don't have to make eye contact and conversations happen more informally my DD with ASD prefers chatting whilst walking and it's fine for a lull in the conversation.
Other things I know of in my area are adult courses run by the local wildlife Trust helping with conservation on the land.

What type of things do you like and which general area do you live and we might be able to come up with some more ideas.

Hi Op, just wanted to say you are not alone. I have C-PTSD and awaiting an assessment for likely autism.

I feel a sense of loneliness too although looking in, it wouldn't seem likely as I have immediate family. I was also bullied. I was once a people pleaser too. I have a couple of friends but they have lots going on in their own lives and I feel I need too much from them, more than they can offer at any rate. I end up being the 'listener' which is fine but I also need people to hold space for me too which seems to be an extremely rare thing to find.

I have tried a walking group...it's okay but hasn't really resulted in any friendships. I have also joined a conservation group - again okay and I enjoy being outdoors and I feel a connection with nature but no real human connection apart from superficial stuff (which in a way makes me feel lonelier). I think it is partially down to luck who you meet along the way. I keep trying different things every now and again in the hope I might enlarge my social circle. Plagued with anxiety, it is not always easy. One of the pluses of trying different things is that you find out what you do and don't like.

Nothing much to add but just wanted to say, you are not alone and I too, feel ashamed to admit to feeling this way (so don't in real life). Somewhere deep down, I feel like somehow it is my fault, like I am different and flawed in some major way. Putting a mask on it all can be exhausting and I often think how it would be much easier to stick with nature/pets/books/creative projects but always, I still seem to feel this sense of lack of connection.